Love is in the not letting go

Little Piano Star

2012-01-05T16:15:00.002-06:00

Lest we forget to post... Here is Sarah Lynn's latest piano recital. She's a star!! :)http://youtu.be/0Mq-Mrtjtys

Remember when...

2012-01-05T16:13:00.003-06:00

I told you about Cora's silly tongue tricks?! I finally uploaded to YouTube...http://youtu.be/cs6-n22HO9Y

1 year ... and then some

2012-01-05T14:19:00.001-06:00

Ok, ok, I AM A SLACKER!!It's been way too long - AGAIN - since I've written. To further the slackery, I still have emails in my inbox from two months ago that I haven't even opened.I am so ashamed, but... I think, by now, you all get (hopefully) that it's just the way I am and I hope no one is hurt or offended by my way belated - oh - everything. HahaThis isn't going to be a long post, I just really wanted to share photos from my sweet little angels 1 year photo shoot. If you want to see the cutest pictures EVER, visit www.ashleyreecephotography.com and click on “client” in the menu. The password is cora.She was a total ham while taking these. The rocking chair and the crate were props just to try to get her to stay put. Her newfound freedom of walking keeps that girl - and me - in constant motion. She can "go, go, go." (That's what Sarahs little "Go, Go Pets" say when you set them off and running and we say it all the time to Cora Jane.)Just a few fun things to mark Cora's first year:Her favorite ASL signs are "please," "all done," "milk," and "more." She cannot get enough of saying "daddy" and she LOVE, LOVE, LOVES to follow her big sister, Sarah, EVERYWHERE. She knows she is an accomplished pianist, just like her sister and she loves to sit at the "big girl desk" and dictate to me everything that needs to be done or color with the crayons. She, almost literally, sings for her breakfast -- she sits in her high chair and sings, sings, sings. She loves to walk around the house with either carrot or celery sticks, just munching, sucking and, usually, making a funny sort of a mess everywhere. She LOVES her "baby bath" and loves to play in the water and loves to drink the "dirt butt water." (giggle) She continues to "hum" herself to sleep and talk and sing as soon as she wakes. Her "lovey lamb" is the protector of the "suckies," which she "gently" throws at him at the end of every nap. If you say the word "walk" and you don't mean "go outside," you are in BIG trouble. She loves to walk ANYWHERE and she loves to play in the grass, but she HATES to get in her car seat or her stroller -- until we really get rolling. She loves to make the sounds of different animals, like the elephant, dog and, especially, the monkey -- she had SO much fun seeing all the animals at the zoo a couple weeks ago and making all the sounds with them. She is kind of like a puppy at scripture time - she likes to help daddy to get the scriptures (she'd do it on her own if they weren't SO heavy!!) and at prayer time she folds her hands and waits for the "Amen." Although she is quite stubborn, even "yelling" at me sometimes when she doesn't get her way, she continues to be such a blessing and such a source of silly and happy and giggly times. She wanted nothing to do with her birthday cupcake; just looked at us all like we'd lost our minds that we hadn't just given her carrots. haha (She did, however, try to grab the candle.) Unwrapping birthday and Christmas presents was fun - it kind of lasted all day, because she would finally rip into one thing, play with it for quite a while and then when she was ready to move on, she had another one to open - this was quite agonizing for Sarah, who just wanted to "help" her open them all right away!She is so hard to get a picture of these days because, like I said, she is always on the go, go - most from her actual "birth day" were so blurry, but this one worked out okay.

And this was the "four generations of CJ" at Thanksgiving:

And here's my carry-on for the airplane:

and... so shoot me, this post turned out A LOT longer than I thought it would. Oh well. Hope you enjoy!

Believe it or not

2011-10-05T14:39:00.001-05:00

This is not "Fail Blog"... this is: http://failblog.org/But my life, as a mother, quite often makes me feel like I should be writing my own fail blog...I wonder, just because I let Cora wander around the mushy, wet and yet crunchy back yard, munching on weeds, rocks and "Mr. Cat" that Sarah sculpted out of mud, does this make me a bad mom?I wonder, just because sometimes I feed Cora funny foods that she gags on and subsequently pukes up that and the rest of her meal, does that make me a bad mom? And then I forget that I'm supposed to make dinner because I'm washing up the puke covered child, trying to keep her out of the puke I haven't been able to clean off the floor yet and trying to steer Sarah in a positive direction other than arguing with me for the millionth time, does that make me a bad mom?I wonder, just because I tell Sarah I'll tell her when her piano practice is up (she practices for 30 minutes every day) and I forget that it's now been an hour, does that make me a bad mom? I wonder why I just can't remember why I don't plug that Febreeze in where Cora can get it -- maybe it's because she finds it EVERY TIME and pulls it out of the socket and leaks scented oil all over herself and it takes a day for the smell to wear off her and me, regardless of how many times we wash... Does that make me a bad mom?None of these things probably make me a bad mom, it's just so hard sometimes not to feel like I'm failing at my ONE JOB. I mean, if I walked back into teaching I couldn't get away with letting kids wander around and do what they please without me watching, I couldn't get away with making a kid puke, I couldn't get away with forgetting how long a lesson is supposed to be, I couldn't get away with not getting the kids to lunch, I couldn't get away with having potentially harmful substances being tampered with... Seriously, I FEEL LIKE A BAD MOM!BUT, I do feel better when I think: My kids are happy and healthy. They wear clean clothes every day - whether they want to or not - they get feed, they get loved, and they get sleep. We try our best to teach proper principles and we try even harder just to love our girls. I can't really be that bad of a mom as long as I am loving my girls and, as Sarah says "just trying to do my best." So, maybe this is kind of like a fail blog, because I occasionally do really stupid stuff and royally screw up and sometimes just plain forget and "fail," but my life will go on. My kids will live - God willing - and we will continue to be a happy, loving family.And as a side note -- NOT A FAIL: we consistently got Cora to say "please" using sign language at the dinner table last night. This was, of course, after every "uh oh" when she dropped her book on the floor in order for daddy to pick it up. Christian doesn't usually play this game, but she did say please!! ;)

(This picture is a good example of where I find my baby girl when I haven't quite been watching her like I should... Bad mommy!)

BFF

2011-09-30T20:02:00.001-05:00

I made a new friend. Her name is Julie.She lives down the street from me, was a nanny "for like ever" like me and she has a sweet little baby girl like me and she is expecting another little one soon... NOT like me at all!! Haha :)Now maybe Lawton won't be so lonely. I was really singing the blues, feeling so alone, so forgotten and so isolated. I told Christian I found a new BFF and he just laughed.(We like to joke about things like BFF and OMG and LOL and all those little sayings.)Hooray for my new BFF!! Hooray for Julie.**Julie, I promise I'm not a crazy stalker for blogging about you** Please don't be scared and run away. I'm just so happy to have a friend. :)(and... this picture just made me giggle because i love bananas and i'm obsessed with monkeys... and it's just cute. it was either this one or a spongebob picture... but that's too typical of me, so i chose this one.)

Nerd Alert/True Confessions of Clarissa Jane/Cora is the Saving Angel

2011-09-28T20:14:00.000-05:00

So the post I've been thinking about... This is either going to super nerd alert Christian and me or you are all going to think we are totally stinkin' awesome or maybe just completely normal -- I guess it depends on how "nerdy" you may be. ;)For about a month off and on, Christian and I were watching bits of the extended versions of The Lord of the Rings, or LOTR (which you only call it that if you are SUPER cool!). The night that we FINALLY finished the end of The Return of the King I dreamed over and over about the end of the world. Seriously, it was quite distressing. Everything was in ruins. Everything was dark. There was nothing, but ash and rubble and fire. (Now the really good thing is that I'm not pregnant, so these dreams weren't crazy-real and I wasn't terrified that they were coming true, so my poor husband did not have to wake me up and save me -- he had to do that plenty of times while I was pregnant.) So, I'd be running around just trying to find my way to somewhere safe and then...BUM BUM...I'd find this:

A sweet, sleeping baby... Then I'd tickle her little belly and I'd see this:

A super cutie, giggly baby...And suddenly, the sun would be shining, the sky would be blue, the grass would be green and then everyone I loved would come running to us. Seriously, my baby girl is an angel. She makes me so happy and my dreams prove it.

Me and my girl. I love her sooooooo much!!Oh... and just for an extra giggle...

No good on a plumber, but super cute on a baby.Giggle. Giggle. :)

Cora Has A New Trick

2011-09-23T20:30:00.001-05:00

So, I actually have a grand scheme in my head about a post I want to make, but Cora's new trick (as of this weekend) is kind of trumping it! **So maybe I'll write the other one tomorrow night**I suspect this funny new thing has something to do with a visit from a certain Aunt whom Cora adores!! She was so cranky the day after Auntie Charly left us... But anyway, all weekend and into this week she has been up to...THIS:

and THIS:

I have no idea why she is suddenly hanging her tongue out like a puppy, but it is so darn cute! And so funny! She sometimes even makes that "nmnmnmwahhhhhh" sound while she's doing it. It has us rolling while we were trying to catch it in a picture -- she started to laugh too:

I would post the funny video of it, but I have no idea how to do that... anyone want to offer their assistance?? :)In the meantime, we'll just keep giggling at the trick ourselves. She is such a goofy, happy, giggly baby and OH SO LOVEABLE!!

"Baby Blue"

2011-09-15T20:59:00.001-05:00

So, I just had to post about my baby girls blue, BLUE eyes.Not joking AT ALL when I say everywhere we go people are commenting on how gorgeous she is and "Oh, those eyes!! Those are the bluest eyes I've ever seen!"It's true. Cora Jane has the clearest and bluest eyes I'VE ever seen.I keep telling everyone she gets them from her Aunt Amber because neither Christian nor I have blue eyes.I'm always singing to her the song from George Strait: "Baby blue was the color of her eyes, Baby blue, like the Colorado skies..." I've even YouTubed it and played it for her -- she loves it. I think she knows it's her song. :)So, just to prove it... here are some "Baby Blues" for you.

I could go on, but I think you get the idea, and what pictures would I post next time if I use them all up now?! ;)

As promised...

2011-09-07T20:09:00.000-05:00

Although I am not certain that my "demands" were exactly met, I will write a blog post for those of you who may actually care...

I tell you, it is really hard being way out here in the middle of nowheresville, out in the middle of idontknowanyonehereville. I seriously need a life. And I am in need of some friends. I miss all my "old" friends.

I am aching for Amber and Mike and the kiddos. I want to play with my LoLo. And then there's Bekah, and VonTana... TayTay... Lani... Kira... Roonnate... Nora... Evey... And I know I'm not naming everyone, but those are just to name a few... I just feel so out of place not having someone close by. Its been so long since I've been so on my own. Yes, yes, I have Christian and my girls, but it's somehow just not the same. It doesn't make it easier that I just feel so lame. I've gained about ten pounds since moving here; not because I'm eating tasty foods of anything, just because I'm being a fatty. I mean, come on, there are two Sonics (pretty much my favorite place!!) in town and I've only gone there ONCE -- and that was today!(If you know anything about me, that's pretty much a big deal.)

But besides feeling lame and fat and all alone, life is pretty good here. giggle

Our house is great. It is so comfortable and so NOT connected to another house!! haha I love that we only hear our own noise within these walls. :) We have a great amount of space and I was pretty much unpacked within a few days -- just had to wait to get a bookcase to empty out my books; that wait about killed me!

Cora is just growing and growing and GOING and GOING! She is trying to walk... it's the greatest thing to see her zoom all over the house in her little walker -- and I'm telling you, she can go!! She is fast!! She loves to chase and be chased. She turned 9 months today and she is, officially, still my little peanut -- we still haven't hit 17 pounds. BUT what she lacks in weight, she makes up in fun! Everywhere we go people fall in love with her and her blue, blue eyes. She is a ham and really gets to talking. And yes, I am "Mum Mum" and I love it!!

Sarah had an awesome summer visiting everyone in the family and now she is settling into third grade. She loves Hugh Bish, she loves being a Knight and she LOVES Mrs. Shippers third grade class. That girl loves school -- now if only I could get her to love doing her chores. ;) Oh, and she is getting SO amazing at the piano. We got her another outstanding piano teacher, who also happens to be her music teacher at school. Her is really challenging her and pushing her and she isn't even fighting back! It's so much fun to listen to her play.

Ok... that is all I am going to write for now. I'm going to leave a little out in order to have more to write later. Haha... I know, it's killing you!! You'll just have to wait for a little update on Christian. (He's LOVING Lawton, by the way.)

Pictures below are of the front room and kitchen/dining areas.
More to come... hopefully soon?!!? Who knows.

I am lame

2011-06-15T19:41:00.002-05:00

Just throwing that out there!

I should totally write here...

I'm sure I have something to say...

Hands

2011-04-29T08:27:00.013-05:00

Little baby hands.
Little Cora Jane hands.
I was up all night "dealing" with those cutie hands.
The above picture shows you how sweet these hands are and the below picture shows you where these cutie hands and delicious fingers like to be.

Cora, from day one, has been a finger sucker. In the hospital, mom (meaning, grandma) had to let Cora suck on her finger so I could get some sleep. This girl has always hated being swaddled because she can't get to her fingers. Even when she is swaddled, no matter how well it is done or what kind of amazing wrap I've used, she finds a way out. This really wouldn't be a problem if she didn't get so mad when she couldn't keep her fingers in her mouth, or when she punches herself in the nose! She is my little Houdini and I love the fun little struggle -- amazingly, even when it keeps me up all night.

Even when feeding,she gets distracted by her hands! Christian laughs because she is always reaching up and grabbing my face, seeming to say "are you up there mommy?!" Then her other hand is always wandering around by my side. Quite often it will "suddenly" cross her view and she'll either stare at it and go cross-eyed or even switch what she is sucking on and pop it in her mouth! Feeding time is full of entertainment as long as Cora Jane's hands are around! :)

Her new fun thing is so funny. The last few weeks she been grabbing toys and shoving them straight into her mouth, and now she has started to grab my face and do the same thing. I've had a few really good laughs, especially when she gets a good grab and starts to suck on my chin. It's hilarious to see (and listen to) her suck on washcloths in the bathtub, her monkeys, her elephant, her blankets, her burpies -- anything this girl can grab, she sucks!

My grandpas favorite story to tell about me involved my own hands and this same type of struggle. Apparently, when I was small, if I had my hands free during naptime I wouldn't go to sleep. He would tell me that he would wake up and find me playing with my hands, doing dances, talking, making puppets, and generally, just having a grand time. Now, I get to see this first-hand with my own baby girl.

Long time

2011-04-25T18:47:00.005-05:00

I keep looking at my blog and thinking it has been far too long since I've have written -- I keep looking at my journal and think the same thing. I am totally bummed that I haven't documented life better lately.

I haven't even blogged ONCE about my beautiful Cora Jane (born December 09, 2010). I haven't even told the world how delicious she is. I haven't even told everyone how "Baby Wise" saves lives! :) I haven't even posted pictures or told stories or shared my joys and frustrations.

I want to change that. Today. Right now, so... here goes...

(This is me and my Cora Jane, not too long after she FINALLY came out.)

I don't want to go into all the hairy details of labor and delivery right now, just saying that Cora Jane was a week late and then STILL didn't want to come out after 22 hours of labor and 4 hours of pushing says just about enough. The doctor finally grabbed baby girl by the head and pulled!! :)

I've never seen anything so precious, so tiny and so wonderful.

Stay tuned... I promise to write more again soon... for now, Christian keeps saying "awhh..." and teasing me. I guess I should give him some attention... (gee, I wonder why I never write anymore...)

The Reason

2010-09-09T16:07:00.003-05:00

Yesterday while taking a walk, my very favorite song started to play on my ipod and I almost started to cry. Why would I cry over A SONG? This is why:

I'm sure you can imagine the struggle I face each day. Being pregnant. Being still some-what newly married. Being a still some-what new mom. Somedays I just wish I could stay in bed, hidden far beneath my blankets. Somedays I wonder why I wake up at all. Somedays I wonder what I have done with my life and why I deserve what I've got - good or bad.

It's on those days that my favorite song beautifully reminds me. Love. Love is why I am doing what I am doing. Love. Love is why I am where I am. Love. Love is why I breathe in and breathe out.

I may have done this before, but I'm going to share the lyrics of this song, the main title of my blog; a song beautifully sung by David Phelps:

It’s the only thing worth life and death.
It’s the first moment and the final breath.
It’s a broken heart keeping a solemn vow
And a lost soul being found.
You pray for faith when it’s hard to believe.
You choose to stay when it’s easy to leave
And when hope is gone you’re the one who keeps holding on.

That’s what love is
When you give until there’s nothing left
And it makes you give the very best.
That’s what love is.
It can make you laugh and make you cry.
It can let you down and lift you up so high
When you find the only reason left to live.
That’s what love is.

It’s the dream you give up for someone else.
It’s being strong when you’re weak yourself.
Though it tears you up you trust again.
Hatred loses and forgiveness wins.
You turn your cheek when you want to fight.
Sell all you have and lay down your life
And when hope is gone you’re the one who keeps holding on.

It’s reaching out and holding on so someone else will know.
Love is in the not letting go.

Love. Love is why I'll never let go.

Day in and Day out

2010-06-03T18:31:00.003-05:00

My life is all too exciting, which why I hardly ever find myself posting on this blog which I created because I never seem to run out of things to say...
I think it's due, in part, to having a seven-year-old who HONESTLY never runs out of things to say. I think I just get tired of language by the end of the day. :)

But, today, I thought I would share the excitement that is my life right now - one snap-shot at a time:

Daily diet

Breakfast

Lunch

Dinner

Just thinking about my thrilling dietary choices excites me to the point of vomiting - or is that the morning/afternoon/night sickness that has yet to GO AWAY!?! Everyone, excepting Christian, has been very helpful in encouraging me on by telling me that at 13/14/15 weeks it should subside and I should start feeling better soon. Christian, on the other hand, loves to tell me I only have 9 1/2 more months of feeling this way. My rebuff: Well, he better get real attached to this one, because it will be his last if he thinks I'll put up with feeling this way for an entire pregnancy+.
Now, I'll go in for another blood-test tomorrow and see if all this nonsense is actually doing me any good.

Anybody want a peanut?

2010-05-13T08:04:00.003-05:00

That's Christian's and my new line for our "little peanut." (If you don't already know, that's a line from "Princess Bride." "Everyone, stop rhyming, I mean it!... Anyone want a peanut?" Makes me laugh every time and we are always quoting that movie.) I can already tell he's going to be cute!! Even the doctor said so. :) tee hee

It made it a little more real to see something going on in there; definitely more real when the doctor pointed out the heartbeat and ABSOLUTELY more real when I saw Christian's eyes light up and then get a little excited when we saw our peanut for the first time. Just may have been the best moment of my life so far.

I was borderline afraid that I was having a "hysterical pregnancy" and just having all these nasty symptoms because I'm a freak of nature, but I am so happy to know that this has all been real. It's a big relief to know that it's all for a purpose and a reason. Now... I'll just gear up for the first trimester to be over; for my "morning" sickness that lasts all day, every day to be gone! I hope this doesn't mean I'll have to give up my afternoon naps... I've so enjoyed those! Although, I certainly won't complain if I just have some energy to do something other than sit on my couch and watch Bones, Law & Order and Chelsey Lately all day. Haha.

Maybe I'll make it in good with Denise Austin again so I stay on my weight gaining track. So far, so good. I never thought I'd hear it, but the doctor said I'm starting out at a really healthy weight and they'd "like to see me gain between 20 and 25 pounds." Well, it's a good thing I just lost all that weight, so I can just pick it up and find it again. Haha. Oh well.

THIS IS ALL WORTH IT. THIS IS ALL WORTH IT. THIS IS ALL WORTH IT. :)

Vicious Cycle

2010-04-24T16:21:00.003-05:00

So, it turns out I'm a bit anemic. Boo. This means I have to take iron and vitamin c pills. What?! For reals?!

Oh, and these pills will probably bug my stomach and make me constipated. Oh, like I haven't already been suffering with both of those!!

Gee, I can't wait for all of these wonderful feelings to be compounded.

The problem here is that I don't really like all the things that would help me solve my issues naturally. I like spinach and broccoli, but not in large amounts and not all the time. I can handle to eat a prune or two without tossing my cookies (of course, that's when I'm not pregnant, so who knows now...).

The bigger problem here is I'm consistently sick to my stomach. They say eating helps. Sure, for about five minutes and then the burping begins and that makes my tummy even more sad. Oh, and I never feel like eating anything that is particularly good for me, so I'm not even really enjoying what I do eat.

I stare at my plate for about five minutes before diving in and deciding, yes, in fact it would be a good idea to eat. Especially so I can take my vitamins that want to destroy me if I don't have enough food on my stomach. But then if I eat too much my stomach wants to destroy me...

Do you see the vicious, ugly, horrible, terrible, awful, super over-dramatic (*giggle*) cycle?? Bad tummy, bad!

Christian said the other day, "Babe I'm so sorry you're not feeling well." My response?! "I'm not! Baby, WE'RE HAVING A BABY!!"

So, I guess that makes this all worth it. Nasty stomach, sleepy head, burping and drooling all together. (I feel like the first trimester is for a woman to understand what her poor baby is going to feel like for the first part of his life -- he's going to have a hungry tummy all the time; he'll be a super sleepy head so that will make it hard to eat as much as he wants to fill his achy belly; he'll be burping a lot although, it may be easy or hard; and baby's do a lot of droolin'.) :)

That explains the drooling...

2010-04-08T13:12:00.003-05:00

So embarrassing, I've been drooling a lot when I am about to fall asleep and couldn't figure out what the problem was. Now, anyone who knows me knows I've been prone to drool ON OCCASION, but this has been happening A LOT. So, anyway, this made me laugh:

"Your mouth may be feeling the effects of pregnancy, too. Raised levels of hormones lead to swollen—and sometimes bleeding—gums. But another symptom is bizarre and so far unexplained: Many pregnant women experience increased saliva—spit. Gum or breath mints may help you dry out a little bit, but delivering your baby is the only real cure."

-- found on http://www.babyzone.com/pregnancy/trimesters/week/article/5th-week-pregnancy-pg3

More funny antidotes coming soon, I can feel it.

Signed,
Still sleepy

I peed on a stick and it's confirmed.

2010-04-08T12:16:00.005-05:00

Uh, so... We're going to have a baby AND It's really a lot more exciting to me than I am making it sound.

I found out two days ago and I am really happy about it. Christian (and, now, Sarah) keeps telling me we're going to have triplets. The twins I used to watch said we'll have twins - it's only fitting. I'm fine with taking it one at a time. :)

Maybe the reason I don't sound too enthused right now is because I am
t. i. r. e. d.
Normal, I've come to understand. But I hate being tired. I tried to catch a few minutes on the fly today, but one of the twins I am currently watching has recently decided that napping (or sleeping, ever, for that matter) really isn't a need. If I put her in her bed she'll sit up and thump her head on the side of her crib, or lay down and kick her legs hard enough to move the crib across the room. It's wild! She's wild! and she's driving me wild! ;)

So, honestly, 100%, I am excited to be pregnant. I am excited to have a baby. I am excited to be a mom (again). But I am not so excited about the tired, crabby, and not feeling great thing. I want to be happy and stress-free - I hear it's a much better way to have a happy and care-free baby. Here's hopin'!

Signed,
The one who IS really, really excited, but just can't fully express it at this moment. (Just thought I'd at least share the exciting news.)

Grosgrain: Shabby Apple Shakespeare Garden Dress GIVEAWAY!!!!

2010-03-19T06:42:00.000-05:00

Grosgrain: Shabby Apple Shakespeare Garden Dress GIVEAWAY!!!!

What are the chances that I could win this dress? I have been SO obsessed with Shabby Apple for years...
I WANT it!! :)

Bitter Sweet

2010-03-11T18:31:00.003-06:00

SO... my LoLo, my Love Face, My Rolito, My Lauren Maley is getting married on Saturday!! Yahoo!!! I am so excited for her. Jans is a great guy and she deserves the VERY best!

THAT is the sweet.

There is more sweet. My sister-in-law, Keri, is also getting married this weekend - Sunday, to be exact. We are so excited for her and Oren. They make a great couple and it makes us very happy to see them together.

More sweet. Love Face is getting married here in the beautiful Washington, DC temple. (Same place Christian and I were sealed.)

Still more sweet. Keri & Oren are getting married in a lovely place in Ohio.

The bitter. I have to miss one wedding. I have shed many tears knowing that I am missing my best friends wedding. I never imagined I would not be there in the sealing room as she looked across the alter to make sacred and eternal covenants with her one and only. I am so incredibly sad that I sit here crying just writing about it. I. Am. So. Sad. So. Sad.

BUT I am incredibly happy to go to Keri & Oren's wedding. We are so excited to see family and get to spend some time playing with them. We've missed them. I am so happy to spend a four-day weekend with my SuperSexyMan and my SuperSpunkyLynn. We are ready to have some fun.

So, in closing... Congratulations to Lauren & Jans and Congratulations to Keri & Oren.

(LoLo, I love you and I really wish I could be there. Luckily, for you, it will be such an amazing, special & exciting day you will hardly even realize that I am not there to share it with you. I am there in spirit, my friend. I will be thinking of you. Have an amazing time in Florida!!)

365 Days...

2010-03-07T13:39:00.006-06:00

Happy Anniversary, to me and to my rockin' hot husband, Christian!

What a year it has been. It's been 365 days of learning. I've learned a lot about Christian, a lot about being a mom and A LOT about myself.

I really don't have a lot to say about all of it, but I thought such a "momentous occasion" called for a posting (it's been a while since my last one and I try to write when things are "BIG").

Christian and I went out yesterday to celebrate. He keeps teasing me by saying "I didn't think we'd make it this far." Now, this teasing comes because of me and my "crazy pills." We've laughed a lot about how ridiculous I can get every once in a while (say, monthly... heehee) and how emotional I am. Quite a few times I've just started crying at like ten o'clock at night and ask him if he thought we could actually do this marriage thing and if he actually loved me enough to put up with me all the time. So if I'm not being a complete, insane wreck, joking about my emotional imbalance is quite funny.

So... anyway, I'm pretty sure that was a pretty wide tangent... We went out yesterday to one of our favorite restaurants in DC, Potenza. This place is SO delicious!! I think it's the one restaurant that we pack our bellies full of amazing appetizers and entrees and then we still have to get dessert -- it's just too good to pass up. We really enjoyed our lunch and we even went boot and dress shopping; boots for the man, dress for me.

Ok... this is getting dry... ewww. So HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to my handsome hubby! I love you my SuperSexyMan!!

I'm a thinker!

2009-12-19T15:55:00.004-06:00

So... it's snowing MOUNTAINS outside. No joke! It's ridiculous. This is when I wish I lived somewhere tropical, where this could never happen!
I
do
not
appreciate
snow!
Especially in crazy amounts like this!

We would totally have been prepared for all of this snow if I wasn't such a thinker. Seriously, I thought I was being so rational this week while I was out shopping. I was browsing in the Target, looking through the snow pants, like I've been doing for the last couple of months. I said to myself "Self, go ahead. Buy them. She'll eventually need them." But then my "thinker" said "But who knows when it's actually going to snow. She'll grow out of them before she even gets to wear them. That's lame! Buy them when you know it's going to snow." So I put the pants back on the rack and moved on. Then I came to the snow boots. Same conversation... Then the snow shovels... same"ish" conversation...

If only I had paid any kind of attention to the weather, I would have known that we were expecting a huge snow storm this weekend. If only I wasn't such a thinker! haha

But we were going to fix my thinker problem. After the babies left last night we decided we'd head back over to the Target and get all that stuff before the first flake flew. I am not joking when I say it took us 45+ minutes for a usual 15 minute trip. (NO SNOW HAD FALLEN YET!!) To add to that, we got to the Target and it was bone dry! NO snow pants! NO boots! NO snow shovels! And NO Star Trek (that was going to be our consolation prize). We struck out! I STRUCK OUT! Why must I be such a thinker?! Boo.

Oh well. We got up this morning to snow. It has been snowing all day, non-stop. It's 5pm and there is no end in sight. I'm really hopeful the neighbor boy will stop by sometime tomorrow when it finally stops snowing and ask to shovel for us (we've been told he does that). I will tell you, I'm not going out for the next 48 hours. Anyone who wants me will just have to come to me.

Thank goodness I have everything I need here; one super hot man to keep me warm, one super spunky 7-year-old to keep me entertained and one container of peppermint hot chocolate (compliments of Eve) to keep me happy. Ah, maybe the snow isn't soooo bad.

(BTW the snowman is one my daddy and my nephew, Ammon, built a couple winters ago)

One Year Ago...

2009-12-18T09:39:00.007-06:00

One year ago my life completely changed. I knew it had changed the moment that my heart about fell out of my chest and I heard this voice in my head say "This is it. You're done. Game over." I tried to shout back "Noooooooooooo..." But it was useless, the man I was about to go out to dinner with was going to be the man I spent the rest of eternity with. I knew it and now I was terrified to go through with it. But... luckily, I didn't turn back and now I will never turn back. Christian is my completion. We like to joke that we are each others density.
Due to the fact that I am looking so fondly on last year, I wanted to share a little thing I had been working on. Man! I really wish I had written more, but who knows?! I just might go back through and fill in all the gaps.
I titled this "The Story." Enjoy. I'll try to put some more details maybe in the next couple of weeks... AND... here it is...

The story.

Christian and I met about 4 years ago through his sister, one of my best friends, Amy. Amy was out here as a nanny for him and his wife, Holly, who was suffering with MS. Amy took me to her house and was showing me family photos. I immediately said “Who’s that?! Please tell me he’s not married!” She started to giggle and said, “That’s Christian. You know, Sarah’s dad?!” Sarah is Holly and Christians daughter. Being the kind of girl I am (a decent one), I signed him out of my head; afterall, he was a married man. Later that afternoon, Christian came home from school. He was in his psych rotation in medical school. I thought that was pretty interesting and we chatted about it for a bit. While generally chatting, Christian totally psycho-analyzed me. I thought it was pretty funny and it’s something I never forgot.
Now, years have gone by… Holly suffered much with her MS and was finally released from her pain and suffering. All along Amy had kept me in the loop as to what was going on with Christian, Holly and Sarah. When Amy thought Holly was going to pass, she was sure to call me and let me know what was going on. When Holly did finally go, Amy made sure I knew and my heart ached for dear Sarah… and, especially, Christian.
Bit of a side-note, Amy has always told me she thought that if Christian hadn’t met Holly he and I would have been perfect for each other. She has also been quite adamant that she and I were friends were for a greater purpose. I have always adored her; in fact, her marriage to Brad Hurst was the first sealing I’d ever witnessed in the temple. That was a wonderful experience, one that I shall never forget. At that time, I met the whole Schrader family. They were so good to me. I remember wishing there was one more son… some way for me to officially be family. ☺
Back to the story… While I was in Hawaii in November, Amy convinced me that I needed to become friends with Christian via Facebook. With pure intentions of getting him out, giving him someone to talk to or whatever, I accepted her challenge. It took some time after making the request for him to accept. Then he didn’t say anything, so I finally sent a message:

Me:
December 12 at 2:17pm

“so do you actually remember who i am or just take pity on the friend request?? or did you just figure "ah, she's friends with amy and keri, she can't be that wacko... within reason..."??”

His Reply:
December 13 at 11:09am

“I remember who you are. Also, I deal with wacko people everyday, so wacko facebook friends are just an extension of my normal job. ;)
Sorry about not being able to attend the movie night, I'm on call at the hospital a lot over the next few weeks to cover the holidays. Hope it goes well.”

Me:
December 13 at 4:02pm

“AH, it's ok. Not that I have any understanding of "on call," but... I understand. :)
We should, however, get together sometime over the holidays. I'll be here, you'll be here... Hot chocolate. Maybe a movie or Christmas lights...
P.S. I cannot believe how big Sarah is. She's so beautiful.”

Him:
December 14 at 7:07am

“You know what, I'd like that.
To fill you in, I'm a resident psychiatrist at Walter Reed. On call means I am at the hospital covering both our locked psych ward, the ER, taking consults from anyone in the hospital, and admitting them to our or other hospitals if need be.
I'm free on the 22nd after work (the earliest I've got open. This next week I am taking over a new ward and taking call twice so I'm swamped.) If you want, I'm an avid texter. Cell # 301*******.”

Him again:
December 14 at 7:12am

“Oh, BTW. Interesting blog.”

Me:
December 15 at 12:25pm

“you read my blog?? i guess you now know that i am certifiable... haha.
avid texter? i'm not sure i know anyone older that 16 who would admit to that...
"hi, my name is clarissa and i am an avid texter too."
i think i have more conversations over text messaging than i do face-to-face contact. :)
202-***-****. we can be texting buddies.”

Him: (this was in a thread titled “asking you out”)
December 14 at 7:46pm

“Hey, I know you mentioned wanting to get together sometime soon. 'Tis the season after all, to be merry and jolly and all that, and personally I really enjoy getting out and doing things.
My call and work schedule is a little hectic, and honestly, I don't know anything about what it takes for you to get into DC or when you are free. I can be free some days this week for a few hours after work (15th and 17th for something informal), earliest next week is the 22nd. I'm off 25th, 26th and open 27th until about 2-3pm (for something longer, or needing tickets).
Give me a heads up as to what your schedule is like so I can ask you out proper, and maybe get some tickets for something (sometimes good seating is still available a week out). There are a lot of shows I want to see, and would love some company. If you have any questions, you have my cell, or my hotmail is posted somewhere on my profile I think. I'm a pretty open person, so don't feel shy and just ask away.”

Me:
December 15 at 12:34pm

“It's not all that difficult for me to get into DC - I'm an old pro, afterall.
I'm definitely up for something next week. I'll just need a heads-up of some sort, myself, because I'll be at my sisters Christmas Eve/Day. You are welcome to come down and hang-out, if you'd like. We could maybe find something to do in the Richmond area?!
Let's chat, I'm sure we can figure it out - shouldn't be too difficult.
P.S. West Side Story opens up tonight -- and I figure if "Legally Blonde" was culture, then you're probably already dead-set on seeing this one. :)”

Him:
December 15 at 6:22pm

“West Side Story. You know that When you're a Jet you're a Jet all the way, from your first cigarette to your last dying day. I'm a Jet.
That sounds like fun too. So much fun, so little time.”

And then the “avid texting” began… if it were only possible to have saved all of those!! Now, THAT was fun!! We played “the question game” back and forth for more than a week and really learned a lot about each other. My very favorite question was the one I asked the day of our first date: “Your idea of the perfect crime.” His answer?? Too good! I about died of laughter!! Answer: “Stealing the perfect kiss.” HAHA. I still get a kick out of that one! And it took him a while to come up with it!! He is such an incredible flirt – I may have met my match!!

Now, on to the dating…
Dec 17th – Dinner
Dec 20th – Movie (“Yes man!”) and dessert (Ruby Tuesdays)
Dec 21st – Concert at V.C.
Dec 24th – Christmas Eve
Dec 25th – Christmas Day --- amazing walks & conversations
Dec 26th – “I Love You”
Dec 27th – Legally Blonde
Dec 29th – New Jeans (giggle)
Jan 1st – New Years Day w/Sarah --- “Clarissa Jane Baumann, I want you for time and all eternity.”
Jan 2nd – Ring shopping
Jan 4th – Dinner w/mom & Sarah
Jan 6th – Set a date & place (1st time)

more to come... maybe... ;)

WHAT are you doing?!

2009-12-14T09:25:00.002-06:00

Ok, so it seems that I post only every few months or so. I fully intend to write more often, but I just seem to... seem to... find myself doing many, many other things. Blogging just doesn't seem to be on the top of my list.
So what have I been up to? Well... I have gone back to playing with babies all day. I thought those days were long gone until I started popping them out myself, but here I am again, back to my old antics. I am watching yet another set of twins. Caitlin and Mikeala are my little babies. I call Caitlin my monster and Mikeala my princess. They are so sweet and so much fun. They keep me busy all day and then Sarah Lynn comes home and loves to entertain them with her piano playing and reading them books. (She cannot wait to be a big sister someday!)
On top of these two, I have recently started watching another little one, Makenzie. She's super cute and very active. She loves to play with the twins and we all have a lot of fun together.
I just took a couple minutes out of napping time to write this and now I seem to have nothing else to say - but I know there is much more I should write about. I just may write again soon... We shall see...

I'm losing my mind!!

2009-10-04T22:18:00.003-05:00

So I have to make a slight change to the last post --- a very sweet, dear and wonderful friend reminded me that I am ALREADY 27!!! haha. I guess that means I will be turning 28 soon, not 27 again (that is the way years go, I understand. Men can perpetually stay at 18, women never want to get over 30, but you cannot be 27 twice. Lame.). Not only does that mean am I SUCH a dork for that mess-up, but it means that I am getting really, REALLY old and, apparently, I have already lost my mind.

In addition, everyone has been texting or calling saying they had no idea we were moving. I kept wondering how everyone was finding out and thinking "My, how word travels... But who have I told?!" Well, another dear friend informed me that I posted that we were moving on my blog. And so I have. And that also posts on Facebook, which apparently people read. haha. So Linda, I guess I did post in on Facebook before I told you! I'm now wondering if I've even told my mother... which I probably haven't. Geez.

What else have I forgotten... Maybe when I find my brain I will remember.
For now.... oh, I forgot what I was going to write...
.....
.....
.....
.....

"Holy Crap!"

2009-10-02T07:42:00.002-05:00

It's already October.
I'm going to say it again: "Holy Crap!!"
Where is the time going? Three months until 2010. Two months until we move to a new home. One month until I turn 27.
It's October and it's beautiful. I love having the windows open all day. I love seeing the leaves change. I love feeling the cool breeze. I love the feeling of seasons changing.
It's already October.
"Holy crap!" I LOVE IT!!

Downer of a day... sort of

2009-09-17T11:08:00.002-05:00

It's rainy and cold. Blah.
I found out that I will not be getting paid for substituting the other day because the substitute office is whack. Boo.
I finally made it to give blood and my iron level was .1 too low. Lame.
I made plans with multiple friends today and either I messed them up or something else came up or they fell through. Shame.
BUT the husband is getting off early and we are going to the temple. Who needs sunshine, money, proper iron levels and friends (I don't really mean that, but it fits with what I am saying here) when one can go to the temple with ones husband?!
Seriously, life is so good.

Lost in Austen & My New Favorite Hottie

2009-08-28T21:19:00.004-05:00

Just discovered a super fun film - Lost in Austen. If you love Pride and Prejudice you will love this movie. I laughed so hard. Christian said he enjoyed watching me watch it because he enjoyed how much it made me laugh. It's so full of wonderful things that you would never get unless you had, I don't know, maybe watched P&P religiously every week with one roommate or another (not that I know of anyone who may have done anything so girly, silly or hopelessly romantic).

Not only is the story brilliant, but it stars my new favorite hottie: check out Tom Riley. Just say "yum."

(warning: this was a mini-series so it is 3 hours. DO NOT expect husbands, boyfriends or any straight man to watch this with you.)

"Heigh-Ho, Heigh-Ho...

2009-08-24T20:27:00.004-05:00

To 1st Grade we will go, to laugh and learn and play all day. Heigh-Ho, Heigh-Ho!!"

This was Sarah's Kindergarten graduation song and today was the first day of 1st Grade. She was SOOOO excited. She layed out her uniform on Saturday night. Friday she decided she wanted school to start on Saturday. She loves school and I love that she loves school! Her reading improved SO much this summer. She loves to read, but she does not like it when I tell her to go have 15 minutes of reading on her own. I will find her in her room sometimes, surrounded by books and she hates it if we don't have time to read a book at night before bedtime, but she "hates reading!!!" if Christian or I tell her to go read for her fifteen minutes that day. It's quite humorous, especially when she doesn't come back after her time in up because she's so engrossed in her book. We have to giggle.

Last night was humorous (and yet, not). She was "so, so, so excited for 1st Grade" and, almost literally, bouncing off the walls. Well, with all the energy she used getting all excited she was wasted by about 6:30 and could hardly make it through brushing her teeth to get ready for bed. She was beyond exhausted, poor girl. Then I had to wake her up this morning (NEVER HAPPENS) in order to get her ready and out the door in time to catch the bus -- she LOVES to ride the bus!!

Despite the tired night and the rushed morning Sarah Lynn had a great first day of 1st Grade. She was so excited to tell me about the hole in her desk where she gets to keep things (even I can remember the first desk I had to keep all my things in). She told Christian that there's a very nice boy in her class, but... she can't remember his name. I love to hear the things she has to report. Best of all, just after I've kissed her goodnight and called her my big 1st Grader and just as I'm leaving her room tonight she says "Mommy! 2nd." And I say "2nd??" And she replies, "Tomorrow is my 2nd day of 1st Grade. Goodnight mommy." Now, if that don't just make you smile. :)

I deem today

2009-08-22T11:25:00.003-05:00

Taylor Swift Day.
Don't ask me. I hardly even know who this girl is. I have just had her music in my head all morning; now Christian and Sarah can deal with it too. (insert evil laugh)
I just love "Tear Drops on My Guitar" and "Love Story."
My guess is either Bekah or Nora gave me the songs that I actually own because I don't really have any idea where they came from. Thank you ladies for filling my head with bubbly, silly songs.
Any other Taylor Swift suggestions? These songs may get old fast... but then again, maybe that's a good thing! haha
(I am inserting a picture of her because I didn't even have any idea what she looked like before I decided to deem this her day, and holy cow, she is adorable!!)

Just a small change

2009-08-21T09:16:00.002-05:00

So I don't know if it makes a difference, but I finally changed the email address associated with my blog - clarissaschrader@gmail.com

If you have a blog that I've already been reading or one that you haven't shared with me, can you send me that info so I can update it in my new blogger?

Thanks!

(2 posts in less than 24 hours. crazy!)

Can I have your PIANO when you are dead?!

2009-08-20T20:05:00.004-05:00

So, it's officially been forever since I blogged and I have been getting so much flack for it. Sadly, my journal writing may even be further behind that. Now here I am writing just a quickie.
THE PIANO HAS ARRIVED, MY FRIENDS!!
Story goes something like this:
I grew up playing this piano, taking lessons here and there. I never really got all that good at it because, let's face it, like everything else, I just never applied myself. I really love playing the piano, it's practicing that comes so hard.
So, anyway... the joke has always been that I would get the piano when my mother died. SHE HAS NOT DIED, but I got the piano anyhow. I liked to tease my mom about "my piano" and now it really is mine. When the big fire rolled through Heber I only asked that my parents save "my piano!" tee hee I am such a brat, but being a brat apparently pays off - I think they just got sick of my whining (or they wanted to free up the space in the room where it lay dormant, begging for someone to stroke its keys every once in a while...)
Dad hauled it all the way out here from AZ in the back of the suburban, we suckered a couple friends into dragging it inside (Christian mutilated his arm in the process), I polished it up a bit, we're going to get it tuned and then I am going to attempt to teach Sarah how to play. And yes, I already ordered a Jim Brickman Easy Piano book for myself, thank you very much.

And now... I have blogged. I'll try to get back into this. I have so many great stories from this summer with Sarah - I'm sad I didn't share. School starts up again on Monday, so we'll see how much time I have on my hands whilst I BEG for someone to give me a job; I just want to teach the little rascals!!

Sometimes you just have to smile

2009-04-23T20:07:00.004-05:00

(I am quite aware that my last post was a total downer, so I really wanted to share my smiles. First of all, thanks to everyone for your kind comments and awesome encouragement. We made it though Spring Break and, I think I can speak for Sarah Lynn as well, we actually had a really good time. I just might make it through this whole mom thing.)

I've been so very, very happy lately, so I just thought I'd share just a few of the things that really make me smile. (In no particular order)

1. One super spunky six-year-old who loves, loves, loves her new PINK cowgirl boots from her grandma. Who wears them with everything - including bright-striped tights and cutie little dresses. And having same six-year-old keep losing her teeth. I keep telling her she won't have any left. It's so funny to look at her cute, little gapped smile. She is probably my source of my biggest smiles and giggles. She, quite simply, keeps me rolling almost non-stop.
Her newest tricks? She's learning to blow bubbles with her gum and she has a pretty killer english accent. We have to play Harry Potter, sing the "Puppet Show" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tx1XIm6q4r4) and then pick and speak like all our characters. We have a grand time ol' chaps! It's so hilarious!!
2. Arrested Development. Watch it for 5 minutes and see if you don't just laugh until your face hurts.
3. Getting emails, blog comments, random phone calls or text messages or "friend requests" on Facebook from seemingly long-lost friends.
4. Having the warm sun spill across my face.
5. Knowing that no matter how crazy I may act, no matter how whacked I may seem, I have a husband who has dealt with people who are one thousand times more cooky than myself and he will always love, adore and take care of me.
6. Previews for 17again -- May I just say I love Zac Efron and I cannot wait to see this movie.
7. Realizing that all the laundry is washed, dried and put away. This REALLY makes me smile. tee hee
8. Looking at the picture on my phone -- it is currently a photo of my nephew, Caleb, with his tongue hanging out -- it's the funniest and cutest thing.
9. Just knowing that I am going to hear David Phelps again this weekend. Really, if you STILL have not heard him, you better!! (http://www.davidphelps.com)
10. Getting pumped for an awesome week of fun in AZ. Getting to see my family. Getting to see my friends. Having a BIG OL' Party with everyone I love.
11. And please don't forget, my favorite joke right now (it never seems to get old):
Q: "What does Snoop Dog use to get his whites their brightest?"
A: "Bleeee ach!"
**I'm giggling just writing this. hahahahhaha
My favorite part is when this really gets Christian and I talking "gangsta." It's the shizzle my dizzles. Oh, I am such a dork. But it's my bizaz. bah! ;)

100% inadequate, 100% of the time

2009-04-06T02:37:00.002-05:00

Is this how motherhood feels? Honestly?
I was terrible at being single. I was terrible at trying to date. Now, somehow (heaven only knows), I snagged myself the most amazing man on the planet and I am terrible at being a wife. I am terrible at being a mother.
At least this is how I feel at 3:30 in the morning... and a six thirty in the morning, when I haven't slept at all during the night... and again at ten o'clock at night, when I am laying in bed wondering why I'm not sleeping...
Christian reassures me, probably 1000 times a day (poor guy, what has he gotten himself into?!), that I am doing great, that I am handling this drastic life-change so well; but that just doesn't satisfy this lingering feeling of inadequacy. It's not that I feel like I am failing, but I just have no idea who thought I could actually do this!!
Case in point:
I AM TERRIFIED OF THE COMING WEEK. Spring Break.
This is no nanny gig. When six o'clock rolls around and I have spent an entire day having a blast with a vibrant, spunky and energetic six-year old who has worn me completely into the ground, there is no handing her off to mom and dad and climbing into bed so I can have enough energy to fly kites, run around the lake, play tag and walk around museums the next day. I am mom. I am mom. I am mom.
I feel like this week is going to be my ultimate "mommy" test. If I mess up this week... I don't know what "messing up" would entail, but... I am terrified of whatever that may be!!
My friends, pray for me. Pray for unsuspecting Sarah Lynn. Pray for Christian, my oh-so supportive husband.
AND come play, if you can. We'd love for you to come by!

Some things just don't change

2009-04-06T02:33:00.002-05:00

So... apparently if you can't sleep BEFORE you get married, most likely, you still won't be able to sleep AFTER you get married. (I'm sorry if I am stealing all the hope from you insomniac singles like I once was.) Now I'm just an insomniac wife and mother who wonders how she functions throughout the day and why she just can't sleep at night!!
(yes, notice the time of the posting... 3:30 AM. this sucks!)

Three weeks and two days

2009-03-30T07:17:00.003-05:00

(that's how long we've been married)
I can't believe it! It feels, already, like we've been together for forever. Isn't that just sappy and disgusting?! I'm happy-go-pukey just thinking a out it!! :) tee hee

I can honestly say that I wake up in the morning sometimes and am amazed that Christian is actually laying in the bed next to me -- that this dream-like life is real -- that everything I could ever have hoped for, and more, is REAL.

Ok, so life had certainly changed for me. I no longer run every which way for a job, I run every which way for groceries and laundry and dishes and dinners. I make beds. I vacuum the floors. I clean bathrooms. I chase a six-year-old around and around. I am having a blast!! It certainly doesn't keep me on the go-go like my life used to, so that is something I'm learning to deal with. I feel like I have so much time that I have no time at all (doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but it doesn't really have to). Some days I'm so good that I get all that done AND I take the time to work-out, read a book, write an email or two, call a friend, etc. Other days, I sit on my bottom, watch a movie (or two -- sue me!!), think of all the things I COULD/SHOULD be doing and laze around in my pj's saying "Get up CJ! Go work out! Go take a shower! You totally suck."

BUT there is hope on the horizon!! I got my clearance to be a substitute in PG County Public Schools (for this year) and had a killer interview with Montgomery County Public Schools for a full-time teaching job (for next year). I figure business may be a bit slow before Spring Break (which, by the way, is next week if you wanted to come visit and play with Sarah Lynn and me!!), but then teachers will get a taste of being at home and I'll get chances to be in the classroom. I'm excited!! Man, how I love being in the classroom! I really hadn't missed it much (so I thought) until I started getting things together for interviews and such. Now I can hardly wait.

Ok, enough of that... I've got laundry to do and HSM3 to watch... giggle.

We did it!!

2009-03-18T17:04:00.002-05:00

We got hitched. I'll write more later, just wanted to share this little collage our fabulous photographer and friend, Erin Tolman, put together for us.

This was, hand down, the best day of my life. We had such a great time. Everyone who really wanted to be with us (and could) was with us - safe and happy.

I am so happy to be a wife and a mother. What a happy, happy life!!
Thanks to everyone for joining with us!!
Love, love, love.

"meow"

Long time comin'

2009-02-11T02:35:00.002-06:00

It's been a while, yes. It's amazing the things I can find myself doing instead of writing or reading blogs. What are these things, you may ask?? Oh, I really don't know. Time is going by WAY fast and
THAT
IS
GOOD.
I don't think March 7th can get here fast enough. I am always whining about time going too fast, but here I am at 3:30 in the morning just wishing it were at least 6 (this is unthinkable!! i hate 6 a.m.!!). I can't sleep, so I figure I may as well be busy doing something...

A lot has changed (or not changed, I really don't know) since my last posting. I don't even know when that was...
I am still so incredibly in love with Christian that I can't even remember what is was like not loving him. It grows more every day and I am amazed that it's possible. I am so 100% ready to be a wife, a mother and an equal partner in, what I plan to be, the most fabulous life EVER!! Christian and I have decided that we are going to have a lot of fun together. He cracks me up with his dry humor and quick whit. I think I just make him laugh because I'm completely hopeless. How have I made it 27 years without him?? Who can tell?!?
I stay up in Laurel most nights - Sarah Lynn and I are roommies. She likes to wake up at unthinkable hours and tell me what time it is. I like to roll over and try to forget about it. tee hee. I love it when she climbs in my bed and lets me cuddle with her. She's such a delicious creature and I adore getting to spend time with her.
Grandma Linda and hang - we're like home-girls now. We go shopping, we work out together... She's great! We are so lucky to have her here -- she really takes care of us. I keep telling her we'll keep her around as kitchen staff - and she won't have to clean, just cook.
Man! That is the weirdest part, to me, about getting married. I have to like cook and stuff. I'm so used to coming home and grabbing a handful of crackers or M&M's and calling it good, throwing a plate of chips and cheese in the microwave, making a quick batch of mac 'n' cheese or heating up a steamers bag of veggies. In 25 days I'll have to put food on the table that 1. is not only edible, but 2. that has a semblance of a meal. Weird.

Ok, so it's heading for 4 o'clock... tick, tick, tick... The real problem here is my mind. I am on super over-load. I have to go to bed with my ipod or I can't fall asleep. I have a to-do list running through my mind at all hours of the day. It doesn't really help to write it down because there is always something to add and then I run through the whole list again -- it also doesn't help when I have to write down "find old to do list." Haha. Pathetic.
Oh well. I think I'll turn on my "Wedding Day" play list and try to catch a little sleep... or maybe I'll do another sheet of addresses... or maybe... zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Kidding. I wish I could fall asleep like that. Nope, that's Christian - he's the typical male; talk about a pillow and he'll fall asleep.

That's Not His Religion, It's His Name

2009-01-13T21:48:00.004-06:00

Well, and it's his religion...

So, Christian. I haven't written anything for a while because all I would have written about was Christian. AND, considering I knew from the moment I saw him on our first date, that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, I figured I would try to freak him out as little as possible and NOT write about him. BUT, now that he is mine (yes, I am taking ownership), I will write all I want about him.

Christian. What do I even say? Well, he is, simply put (and so cliche' that I almost hate it), my completion. I think I had a feeling he was going to come into my life -- I mean, check out the blogging before this... afraid of marriage?! Whatever. It is all I want now. My life has finally begun and I can hardly wait to really get this show on the road! I am happier now than I have ever been in my life. I can no longer imagine my life without him. I think things and he is saying them. I finish sending him a message and he has just sent the same one to me. I feel like we've had discussions about things that have never been brought up because we have the same ideas or feelings about them already. It's the most incredible feeling to be able to say or do anything and never feel judged. I have never felt so comfortable in my skin; I've never wanted to be me more than I do now.

"But wait, there's more!" I know,I know, you're thinking: CJ, how can there be more?? How can it get any better?!?

BUT Christian has the sweetest, the spunkiest, the silliest daughter, Sarah. AND I get to be her new mommy. She already calls me mommy and it melts my heart to think that I get to keep her. I don't have to send her home at the end of the day. I get to say good night and then good morning to her every day until... until forever. We, Christian and I, get to be with her on her happiest days, her goofiest and giggliest days. We get to be there for her on her hardest days, when her knees get scraped or she gets a "meh" face at school. We get to be together, the three of us. Always.

Now, you just tell me life gets better than this! Tell me that all I could have imagined, to the power of 100, could get any better than this!! I am so incredibly in love. I never knew love felt like this. Had I known, I still wouldn't have rushed it. This was worth the wait. Christian, and Sarah, were (are) so worth my wait. I always thought I would just die if I made it to 27 without being married. And here I am. I have died. I have died and gone to my slice of heaven.

"Thanks for the Lemonade."

Sisters

2008-12-28T18:26:00.007-06:00

I just wanted to make a small tribute to my sisters today. I am oddly flooded with emotion as I think about them and the amazing bonds and friendships we share. We are all so unique and so different. We don't get to be together all that often, but, somehow, when we do, it's like no time has passed and we just carry on. I adore my sisters.

Charlotte Belle is so unique and so lovable.

Valorie Michelle is strong and independent.

Amber Dawn simply inspires me to be better.

I've had a lot of great years with these great sisters. Thank you sisters. I love you.

The Hap-Happiest Season of All

2008-12-23T12:39:00.002-06:00

For real!? If it was warmer maybe. If everyone wasn't sick... MAYBE. I froze my face off yesterday. I got home after a long day of work and my house was 50 degrees. Happiest season!? How do you figure???

I make an official proposal that could not only actually make it the Happiest Season of all, but it could boost the economy:

LET'S MOVE CHRISTMAS TO APRIL!!
Just think of the good that would do the economy to have Christmas twice in one year -- we can't bypass the fact that Christmas is being celebrated now, but we can still move ahead with the plan and have Christmas in April. I propose... hmmm... arbitrary date... April 6th... what do you think??

Instead of celebrating a holiday in December when it's horrible to travel, too cold to go outside and all you want to do is sleep, let's have HIBERNATION WEEK. We can combine it with New Years -- hibernate the 29th-31st and wake up and party. I think it's the perfect way to ring in a new year. You know, I just may start celebrating this all on my own until it really catches.

So, yes... I will see you for Christmas mom. See you in April!!

P.S. I'm still totally fine with the much mistletoeing, though...

What came first...

2008-12-15T21:51:00.003-06:00

the germs or the cold??

Everyone has the germs and everyone has a cold!! I successfully avoided one in Hawaii - do not ask me how! But I think one is finally coming on. It just may be my turn. :(

I just gotta wonder, how long have these germ been festering inside of me? The very thought just grosses me out -- kind of like the mold that was growing on the package of cheese in the fridge. I found it last night and promptly chucked it in the trash. I hate mold! Also, who was so kind as to share this cold with me. Usually, sharing is a good thing, but whoever you are, you could have kept this to yourself -- kind of like the owner of the cheese, you could have eaten it or thrown it away yourself. :) AH, thanks for sharing!! (I just wish that I could so promptly throw this out too.)

I hate colds. I hate it when I perpetually feel like I need to cough, but all I have is a scratchy throat. I hate the pain that builds behind my eyeballs. I hate the snot that runs down the back of my throat. I hate the draining sound I get in the back of my ears.

But you know what I LOVE about colds?? Getting better. I love the amazing reminder and blessing that it is to be well -- reminds me not to take health for granted. I should give praise and thanks to my Father in Heaven every day that I am healthy. Now... I'm excited to be 100% again...

Anyone got a box of tissues?

Just one of those LIFES...

2008-12-04T14:17:00.003-06:00

That's a ridiculous title, but I'm having so much more than one of "those days" or "those weeks" or "those years." I am just having one of "those lifes." Lives... life... s... Bah!

I have had a wonderful life, to be sure. I often think about my amazing blessings. A lot of my blessings stem from great hardships. Let's just start with the biggest shaping of my current existence -- moving to Heber (a.k.a. Nowhere), AZ the summer before my sophomore year in high school. Quite frankly, up until a couple years ago, I only looked on this place as a cursing to my life. My family visited Heber a few times before moving there. We thought it was a cute place where people waved to you as you walked down the street. How quaint. Right?!

But having to live there was a whole different ball game. It was cool for the first few months -- when I was "fresh blood" and new. But things swiftly went down-hill. Friends weren't really friends. I started being the brunt of horrible and rude and tasteless jokes and various abuses. I didn't like where I was or who I was. It took me some time to realize that I couldn't allow other people to dictate how I felt about myself.

**Now, this is not a sob story... promise.. I'm just thinking out-loud, really. Mostly, this is for me. My personal therapy or something. Will save me thousands in pills and Dr. bills...** tee hee

My junior year was quite lonely as I had to evolve into someone new. I eventually found friends I thought appreciated me a little more. I can still remember asking a friend "What bothers you about me?" And she told me that I was too loud all the time. And you know what? I realized I was too loud ALL THE TIME. I still am. But I didn't need a friend who thought that. I know I'm too loud. From that time forward I never felt like I could be myself around her, I was always afraid I would be too loud. You know what I told her when she turned the question? I said "I just wish you could see yourself the way God sees you and the way I see you. You are beautiful." Haha. Oh well.

Ok. This is already longer than I intended... To make it shorter... In the loss of friends, I found my family. We went through A LOT of hard times in Heber. I learned to lean on my parents and siblings. I learned to love them and I learned to love me. If for no other reason, I thank Heber (and Heaven) for that. And not to mention... I have a few great friends from Heber (sure we hardly ever see each other or talk) that I hope to have for all my life. I think they know who they are. They are Heber's "golden jewels" whether they still live there or don't. I thank my Father in Heaven for opportunities to see the good from the bad.

NOW TO THE REAL POINT OF THIS POST:
My life is a cycle... a roller-coaster... But my roller-coaster is stuck on a REALLY BIG, STEEP HILL... I can hear the CLICK... CLICK... CLICK... and feel the CLUNK... CLUNK... CLUNK...
I really have nothing else to say about that right now. Just expressing my feelings...

Sorry for the long post.

Our President-Elect

2008-12-03T13:50:00.002-06:00

I want you to click on this link and see who we've voted as our next president. He's a man. He is a regular person. He eats, sleeps and breaths. He dreams. Can you believe it?!

I may not have voted for him, but I will stand behind him because I believe in democracy and the power of the people. I am proud to an American.

May God continue to bless America. May he bless those we have chosen to lead us, especially in these uncertain times, to a brighter future. May we, as blessed Americans, seek to share those blessings with all nations and all people who are not as fortunate. I pray each day for our current president, W, and for our president-elect, O'Bomber, and for this great land that I love. Join me.

The return of me...

2008-12-01T11:26:00.004-06:00

HAWAii WAS AMAZiNG!!

I don't really have time to write (considering I'm supposed to be working now that I'm back).

I'll just post a couple of my favorite photos.

This was one of my first "scenic" views. Amazing!

Watching the lava hit the ocean. No words.

Rain drops on everything in the rain forest. So gorgeous!

I love to take pictures of flowers.

And... another flower.

P.S. My toes are cold. :(

And... I'm off!

2008-11-20T02:03:00.002-06:00

TO HAWAII!
(hence the palm trees in the background)

I am so excited. Really, I am. Why else would I be blogging at 3 am, rather than sleeping!? Oh yeah, because I also haven't been sleeping lately. I am so afraid that is catching up to me. I am so afraid I'm going to have a cold in Hawaii. Ah, but who cares?! I'll be in Hawaii.

Sunshine, sand and water: HERE I COME!!

And no worries, I purchased an underwater camera case that promises to produce amazing photos - not to mention the fact that I am practically a pro photographer as it is...

Aloha friends! See you in 10 days.
Ahhhhh... I can already feel my toes thawing...

Thank you!!

2008-11-16T23:21:00.005-06:00

I just want to say thank you to everyone for the best 27th birthday ever -- I'll never have another one, so I'm glad it was good!! So many people gave hugs and love and "shout outs." There were songs and diddies and all things birthday. Thank you!

I had an amazing dinner with wonderful friends and family. THE BABIES (my most favorite little people in the whole, wide world) came!! Samantha stole a few hearts, Houston broke a few noses and Caleb melted the toughest of critics - sorry folks, they just can't be beat. Thanks to all my amazing friends who came and threw together another tasty Kenyan feast -- ahhhh... chapati. Need I say more?!

Only one regret of the day -- those Skins just can't win on the 16th of November. :( Man, o man.
(I'm still trying to catch on to the whole photo upload and jargonotting this blog, so forgive the awkwardness of the photos and captions.)

Caleb Jeremiah.

Houston Walker.

Samantha Nicole.

Amber, Mike & Caleb.

The final group.

"You are the weakest link"

2008-11-15T23:07:00.002-06:00

I feel like that all the time. Oh well.

Today I got all the dings and scratches out of my car. Glory, glory! But it came at a price... and then another price... and then a higher price... Moral of the story?? "CJ is a sucker." Oh well, my car is beautiful once again.

I didn't catch much sleep last night - as verified by the 2 am posting - but made it through today well enough.

Tonight I saw the new Daniel Craig - oh, I mean, Bond movie. So deliciously wonderful. I enjoyed the beautiful "scenery" and the action. Another hit for Bond, I say.

Now, it is my birthday. 27 years. Not too bad. I don't feel much like a 27-year-old, not that I've ever been one, so not that I would have any idea what one would feel like... I also don't think I look like a 27-year-old. I feel like I got stuck at 23 or so. Not that I'm complaining!! 27 has to be better than 26 - 26 was very itchy... I mean it. Now that's over, thank goodness. I wonder what another year will bring... Hmmmm.... Now that's something to ponder.... should I be making goals of some kind?? Deep thoughts, by Clarissa Baumann... never mind, I'm fresh out. :)

Now what do I do?! Oh, I don't know... maybe I should go to Hawaii. Ok! I think I'll fly out on Thursday. Aloha!

For Reals?!

2008-11-15T01:16:00.002-06:00

So, I've been pretty sleep-deprived lately. I've just had so much to do and seemingly so little time to do it - seriously, my mind is buzzing with life until 1 or 2 in the morning. Hence today, I had a painfully long day at work because all I wanted to do was come home and take a nap. My head was having a really hard time focusing and not being achy. I was fighting the urge to drop off to sleep on my way home. It was hard!!

When I got home, I grabbed a box of crackers, a tall glass of water and sacked out on my couch to watch a movie. I was struggling to stay awake... the... whole... movie. I finally allowed myself to nod off and went full-out around, say, 8 o'clock. I woke up maybe around 9, crawled my way to my bed and that's where I've been for the last few hours. Uninterrupted?! Oh, no!! It's Friday night, so the roommates are busy, chatty and doing whatever it is they do and OUR WALLS ARE THIN!! Let me tell you!! Not only am I getting really horrible sleep, now it is 2 am and I can't sleep.

Oh bother! I shall never catch up. Maybe this is why people actually start to look old when they get old - sleep just seems to come to the young (does that mean I'm actually getting old?! :( ). I'm sooooooo very sleepy, but I can't sleep. I can't do laundry (remember the thin walls thing) and I can't really clean anything; I need real-life hours to accomplish any of the tasks I really need to do. Maybe I can lull myself to sleep with a book... seems to work when I've had plenty of sleep... tee hee

I'll let you know how that goes.

Terrified

2008-11-12T22:29:00.002-06:00

Can I please just tell you how terrified I am of getting married?!

**Little disclaimer** I don't have ANY prospects of that predicament any time in the foreseeable future, but... maybe it's because I am so terrified. Seriously folks, I'm shakin' in my boots -- that is if I was wearing boots -- Seriously folks, I'm shakin' in my slippers. :)

Now, I'm used to telling people how I feel, I'm used to being a pretty on-the-surface kind of person, but this is not something I would usually shout from the roof-tops. But it needed to be said today. I don't know why. Maybe it's because all my old friends are seriously dating, engaged or married with like 50 kids and I'm... waiting, always waiting... NOT that I have a problem with that - as you can clearly see from the aforementioned statement :"terrified!!" Maybe it has to do with the fact that I am about to finish my 27th rotation around this sun (on Sunday) and I am pretty used to fending for myself, being by myself and acting entirely independently of someone else.

I like to say "I answer to no one." I just can't quite imagine having to account for how I spend my time to someone else (this is all excepting Heavenly Father, of course!!). I don't know how I feel about coming home and always having someone there. I SO enjoy my peace and quiet, my alone time. Believe me, if I could afford it, I would be living by myself and I would be loving it! (This is not to say that I don't adore my roommates - they are fabulous women who teach me a little every day how I could be a better person.) I can hardly even fathom having someone who wanted to spend enough time with me to really get to know all my idiosyncrasies -- I think maybe sometimes I am pretty whacked. Mostly, I am pretty balanced, but... Maybe I should stop, just in case some cute guy runs across this blog... Then I will seriously NEVER get married. I will just stay Aunt Issa, find a cottage by a mountain side and raise many cattle.

This posting will self-destruct in fifteen seconds...

Thank a Veteran!

2008-11-11T22:11:00.002-06:00

Today was a good day. Veteran's Day. A day off (mostly).

I love to reflect on days like today the freedoms of this nation and where they come from. I decided a good way to enhance my reflection would be to immerse myself in some sort of history (which is always so easy, considering where I live). I chose to head out to the Newseum. And... I am so happy I did!! It was amazing.

*PAUSE* Can you name the 5 freedoms in the first amendment?? See answer at the bottom.

First of all, I took the metro to the Navy Memorial - I arrived just as the memorial ceremony began. I was moved to tears as the soldiers presented the flags, as the National Anthem played, and then as a General placed a wreath at the "Lone Sailor" Statue as "Taps" played in the background. What a solemn experience it was to hear the Chaplain give the invocation and the benediction and close it in the name of the God of our Fathers, the God of this great nation and the God of all men. This truly is "One Nation Under God."

I love the spirit that dwells in this city. This city memorializes everything good that has come out of this world -- we definitely also represent and witness the wicked, but there are endless memorials to bear witness of those who have given all for this nation and for noble, worthy causes.

From this very touching memorial ceremony, I walked a couple of blocks to the Newseum - Washington, DC's newest museum. I had heard wonderful things about it and read countless commentaries, but hadn't yet witnessed it myself. Well, today... I witnessed. I laughed, I cried, I witnessed. It was astounding. Anyone who knows me well knows the following three things about me: 1. I love history 2. I love people watching and 3. I love to be alone. I partook in the goodness of all three of these today, but I want to focus on the history, although, there will be one super funny story about people watching...

This whole museum was filled with six glorious floors of displays on all things history. There is no way I could get to it all in one day, so I splurged and bought the annual pass; which, by the way, is fully tax-deductible. :) **So I open the invitation for any and all to join me at some point in time** I made it through about four of the floors - and not as well as I would like. I fully intend to go back again and again. I was moved by the Berlin Wall displays (they actually have a guard tower and a portion of the wall), SERIOUSLY over-whelmed by the 9/11 film and exhibit and thrilled by all the old headlines and films and sound bytes. It was glorious. I strongly encourage a visit! This "short" commentary cannot do it justice. NOW I can hardly wait for the American History (my favorite of all museums) to have it's grand re-opening in just a few short days!! My life will truly be bliss once again. :)

QUOTE OF THE DAY: (Sadly, this comes from William Jefferson Clinton, but... he can't help that he is a wickedly smart, but stupid, stupid man.)

"There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be fixed by what is right with America."

I really liked it and I fully agree.

God Bless America, my friends. I love this land - the land of the free, the home of the brave.

Ok... so the funny story: One of the exhibits was really neat. It was in a darker room with old newspapers you could pull out and look at and on the sides were walls filled with pieces of history. I was looking really closely at one of the displays and thought I could touch one of them... only to slam my hand (really hard, I might add) into a giant wall of glass that was in front of it. These two guys said "Wow, are you ok." I said "Uh, yeah, I was just trying to get a little closer. I guess I didn't realize there was actually glass here... It's so clean." To which one of the guys replies "Don't worry, birds do it all the time." Wait, what?? I just had to stand there and laugh at myself. Ok, so funny. Right?! But that's not the end. As I was laughing, I look over and some girl slams her HEAD into the glass really hard!! I about died -- I'm surprised she didn't get a concussion or something. I'm not kidding, it was a hard slam into the glass!! The guy she was with, I could tell, wanted to laugh too, but he just kept saying "Holy cow! Are okay?? That was really hard! Are you going to be alright??"
I hope you got a kick out of that - I sure did. I hope it's not one of those "you had to be there moments." Because, I'm not kidding, it was hilarious-- I'm laughing again just writing this!!

**First amendment freedoms - right to: speech, religion, press, assembly and petition.**
(Fresh on my brain from the Newseum)

Land That I Love

2008-11-04T10:09:00.003-06:00

I voted today. Did you??

I realize this is going to be a common theme for everyones blogs today, but shouldn't it be?!

I believe God blessed and continually blesses America.
"God bless America" is a plea for help. He helps those who help themselves.

Get out and vote. Do your duty to God and country.
I, in all honesty, don't care who you vote for -- JUST VOTE. You know who I voted for.

Give yourself a right to be proud or a right to complain - if you don't vote I don't want to hear anything you have to say about our elected leaders for the next 2 to 4 years. :)

P.S. I was in and out of my polling place, start to finish, in 13 minutes. Not even enough time to start an episode of Prison Break on my ipod. I was pretty amazed. Although, it helped because I had studied what I was voting for and cast my educated votes. I just wish that everyone else would do the same.

Ahhhhh... I love America.

How many were coming across the border??

2008-10-28T12:22:00.000-05:00

Glorious Fall!

2008-10-22T13:17:00.004-05:00

It's official - only because I have deemed it so. I have been in denial that the days are turning cold... I love Fall, but I can do without the cold of winter. (Seriously, I don't look that good in a sweater.) Tee hee. If I could get away with only wearing hoodies from now until Spring, I would be perfectly fine with the cold, but... it just doesn't seem to be possible.

It became official after a beautiful weekend in Gordonsville, VA with Amber, Mike and the kiddos. We had a a great time -- even got to eat at TasteeFreez. So... tastee.

We spent some time on the lake fishin', took a hay ride, enjoyed the general splendor, played on the playground, swam in the pool, watched some Skins... It was just a nice R&R weekend. Here are some pictures. I couldn't get enough of the colors!!Enjoy!

I believe in Temple Weddings!!

2008-10-20T08:54:00.000-05:00

Worst Best Man Ever @ Yahoo! Video

I win, I win!!

2008-10-18T23:43:00.003-05:00

Friday night I went to a party to participate in some healthy competition... It was mostly healthy because I won it all!!! I even got a $20 Target gift card out of it.

The funniest thing about it -- this was video game competition. Not only do I hate video games, but I am terrible at playing video games. I, honestly, have NO idea how I pulled it off. Not only did I beat everyone out, I seriously slaughtered them!

The game was old school - Marvel vs. Capcom.

Here's my strategy:
1. Pick Captain America & Gambit
2. Jump up and down and take two deep breaths
3. Stretch out three fingers on the right hand
4. Push buttons as fast as you can while you direct the joy stick at your opponent
5. Be literally UNBEATABLE

It was quite a work out and, surprisingly, a lot of fun (winning is SO great!!!). The boys were impressed and my fingers were sore...

(P.S. It still would have been fun if I had lost. Let this be a lesson to you.)

I'm not even fishing

2008-10-17T13:13:00.003-05:00

"I'm watching fishing.
I'm too lazy to fish!"

That comes from Brian Regan, who is a hilarious comedian, if you haven't heard him.

I was just thinking about how long it takes me in between blogs sometimes because I'm too lazy to blog -- I am just reading what everyone else is blogging about. Tee hee.

Some of you are quite interesting...

You are my life now.

2008-10-10T14:42:00.000-05:00

Me? Complain?

2008-10-09T22:38:00.002-05:00

If you're following my ramblings you know it's been a little bit since I rambled... So I feel the need to ramble. The problem is, what I really want to ramble about it kind of an oxy-moron, or double-negative, or... anyway... I hate to complain, but I am TIRED OF COMPLAINERS!! Tee hee. It really is killing me lately. I am getting complainy about complainers, now that is a bad sign. In all seriousness, I am just surrounded by way too much complaining. Seriously folks, lets stop dwelling on the negative and PLEASE STOP COMPLAINING -- especially to or around me. Ok, now I have done my complaining and I will stop.

Positive note:
I am overjoyed lately. You might say bubbly. Sure, there is plenty that I could ... there's that word again - complain about, but I am just too happy to complain. Why, you might ask?? Ok, then I guess I'll tell you... :)

1. Holiday Weekend -- no work on Monday= BABY DAY!!! I get to go play with my niece and nephews who are the completion of my life. My bro-in-law likes to mock me and call me the nanny/maid service, but nothing makes me happier than heading "down south" to spend a day with "my babies."

2. Conference Weekend -- Last weekend was that super-charge that I long for every six months. Any of you who are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints know what I mean, and if you aren't you should really look it up. Conference weekend is when we, as Gods children, have the awesome opportunity to listen to prophets and apostles speak to us the words of Christ - give comfort, strength, chastising and, overall, warm fuzzies. It was a great weekend for me to get back in touch with who I know I am in the grand scheme of things as a daughter of a Father in Heaven who loves me and knows my every thought, desire, pain, sadness, weakness and every happiness. I need it every six months!! SUCH a blessing.

3. Only my right knee is swollen this week. Glorious.

4. I can walk today. Monday -Wednesday was... interesting. My back had a kink in it and I was walking like a little, old lady. I was getting mocked by the young punks in my office - whipper snappers!!

5. My oldest sister, Charlotte, reached out to me this week. I was so thrilled to hear from her -- I never hear from her!! It makes me so sad to be so distant from those I love. I feel so odd being the only one still in my SO VERY SINGLE state in my family. I feel like I'm forgotten sometimes... Its difficult feeling like the phone or email or whatever only goes one way. Sometimes I would just love it if, despite their busy, married lives, they remembered me every once in a while... *sigh* There I go complaining... Done! So, Charlotte and I texted all afternoon and it was wonderful to be remembered!!

6. My baby brother just turned 25 AND found out he's going to be a daddy again. Yay. Joy. Nothing makes a happy aunty more happy than adding another kiddo to the basket.

7. I have two living grandmothers. Both of these grandmothers have birthdays coming this week. This just reminds me how much I love and appreciate them and the precious gifts they gave. I love that saying: "All because two people fell in love." So, here's my thank you to Fancy Jayne and Mardell for giving the gift of those "two people who fell in love." I love my parents. They are the best. Thanks Marmie and Daddy.

See, life is so good. I gotta lotta love and a lotta gratitude; that's all you need to have a good life. Love much. Give all.

Time to take a stand

2008-10-02T13:24:00.002-05:00

So... yesterday... when I was TOTALLY working...

I signed up on the McCain website. My new weekend activity will include me making phone calls and knocking on doors -- "Put the country first." It's time for CJ to take a stand.

Now, I have no idea who is reading this and I have no idea your political stand, but I just want you to know who/what I am standing for.

A couple of things provoked this new drive for me, but the one that is mostly on my mind:

I have a friend who will be out of the country for 2 years and I got to thinking, "What kind of America do I want him to come home to?"

Now, if you know me even a little bit you know that I am an All-American Girl. I LOVE AMERICA. What kind of America do I want? I want the kind of America where we stand up for what we believe in. I believe in an America where all people can thrive. I believe that government belongs in Washington and out of my kitchen (even though my kitchen is pretty close...). I believe that all babies deserve to be born - no matter the form they were conceived or the form they may enter the world (be it deformed, disabled or disfigured). I believe that all CITIZENS deserve a good education and opportunities to improve their situation. I believe marriage to be defined as a relationship between a man and women - without any deviation, whatsoever. I believe, as Americans, we should never be content to take hand-outs (our welfare program is seriously messed!!) and that would should always be seeking way to give back what we have been given. I believe that we are, in deed, endowed with certain inalienable rights. I believe God has truly blessed - and continues to bless - America. We as American citizens owe it to one another to stand up for what we believe is right. Whether you agree with me on all, some or none of my beliefs you have a right and a duty to find out who is your best candidate is, what you believe in and then fight the good fight.

Let's "get out the vote."

Too old for this!?

2008-09-29T22:34:00.004-05:00

Am I too old to be playing soccer for and hour and a half (non-stop) and then playing basketball directly following that?!

I hope not. But I always seem to get so tired, so sweaty (SO gross!!) and eventually I always end up hurt.

Tonight I took some sweet toe stomps, a hard ball to the face, another hard ball to my bottom, jammed a finger and then rolled my ankle. It was a good night of sports - and sports injuries. I am such a mess, and a night like tonight proves it.

BUT, thanks to good ol' Aleve (or should I take Tylenol pm??? Hmmm...), I will sleep just fine tonight. Seriously, I can't complain. After all, I have two legs - that mostly work and mostly get me where I need to go. I have two feet. Ten toes - that are mostly in tact, except for the big toe nails, which I will be losing very soon (they are seriously SO ugly - see photos - that is NOT nail polish!!).

I can afford good pairs of shoes that absorb most of the weight I've gained -- oops! ;) And I have two knees that have not exploded on me yet. Not to mention, my hips that seem to work fine and my spine that is actually in line every once in a while due to a wonderful chiropractor.

No complaining here. Like I said earlier, if I didn't feel the pain I wouldn't think I was alive. Now if only I could stop being so clutsy... It's really so ridiculous sometimes - especially when I am trying to rush up the stairs and find myself falling UP the stairs, only to find that a perfect (very good looking) stranger is standing at the top... Oh the stories I could tell. :)

2008-09-27T23:45:00.005-05:00

So anyone who knows me knows that I am not all that fond of girls and girly-girl things -- YES, I have my girly faults, but I just can't help that I love P&P... Mr. Darcy... ahhhh... and I certainly can't help that I look great in pink!

Anyway, so tonight I sat in a basement with roughly twenty girls watching clips from all the greatest chick flicks (most that I actually approve of - weird). It was a bit surreal, if not overwhelming, to be completely surrounded by all these fabulous women, watching clips from Emma, Bride & Prejudice, 13 Going On Thirty, Never Been Kissed, Love Actually, 10 Things I Hate About You, The Wedding Singer, and others. Oddly, I enjoyed the company. ;) I had a good time. That's not to say that I wasn't 100% ready to leave when it was all said and done - I mean, come on, I can only handle so many screen kisses, so many giggles and so much sing-along with the movie time. Girls.

Here's what I learned -- Love sucks! Kidding. Ha ha.
(It does, but I learned that LONG ago.) tee hee

Really, did I learn anything?? Hmmm...
I'm just happy that I went. In all seriousness, I am consistently surrounded by stellar women. I just hope that maybe one day I will grow up and be one of them. I love being a girl. I am content with who I am. I just want to make a difference for someone someday. I see these girls who are so tough, so beautiful, so accomplished. It makes me wonder why I haven't accomplished much in my *almost* twenty-seven years! What have I been doing with my life?!\ My 10-year reunion is coming up in the spring... I always thought I'd have done something of importance by now. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm a failure, I'm just reflecting... to the general public... Probably not the best place for it.

I heard something tonight that makes me think: I know I have received answers to my prayers, but have I ever been the answer to the prayers of someone else?! I hope that I can do that. I hope that the Lord can utilize my gifts (the gifts He has given me) in order to serve others; in order to make a difference.

A toast with lime & water:

"Here's to making a difference!"

Cheers friends! I love you!!

Is it me, or everyone else?!

2008-09-25T23:11:00.005-05:00

I prefer to think that I am perfectly normal - with my flat feet and my "one leg longer than the other."

Who said we were supposed to be all symmetric and stuff? Whatever.

In any case, I've decided to conform -- so not like me, I know. BUT "they" (whoever "they" really are) say that by conforming I'll be happier; I'll sleep better and I'll be in less pain. Less pain! Hah! I'll believe that when I feel it. What does that mean anyhow?? I don't know what it means to be in less pain. I don't think that I would feel like I was still alive. If I felt less pain I might think I'd died and gone to heaven... here's hopin'! :)

** Forgot to mention what this whole conformity entails -- I've purchased myself a pair of "Foot Levelers." These are apparently magical devices originally devised by the catholic church as a form of torture during the Spanish Inquisition. The accused were supposedly brought to their knees in humility after being forced to wear the levelers for more than one hour per day. While torturing, they discovered the magical ability to make people walk straight and soon felt that it would be a good illustration for "walking in the straight and narrow way." I'm on the path folks. I'm on my way!** (But I'm still planning on driving the bus - don't you start worrying about that!!)

Macaroni & Cheese

2008-09-22T23:44:00.006-05:00

Yes, yes, that is actually the title of this posting and that really is what I'm going to write about.
Yummy. Doesn't that make you hungry?!

I, myself, happen to be a Mac 'n' Cheese connoisseur. It just might be the best thing in the world. What makes this delicious treat so delectable to me?! Who really knows, but let me go back to my history of the cheesiest mac on the block...

Let's go back to my fond memories of elementary/middle school when my diet mostly consisted of cold cereal and ice cream with candies mixed in. I'm sure there was the occasional piece of chicken, absolutely some Domino's pizza and, for sure, mashed potatoes (definitely boiled potatoes - but only when my sister made me sit at the table until I finished mine...). But I can remember quite fondly and clearly the day I started liking those scrumptious cheesy noodles. I had always thought it to be so bland and... tasting like a box. Never, for some odd reason never understood by man, had I tried my mothers HOMEMADE tasty creaminess. But one day she drove me to a nearby gas station on a break from soccer practice, I was in major need of pasta, but all they had was this ooey, gooey pasta-like cheesy concoction. Mom said is was "so good," so, for most likely the first time in my life (quite sadly), I listened to my mother, took her advice and allowed her to purchase this suspicious bowl of gooky pasta. She shook some salt and peppa on top and I started, reluctantly, digging in.

My taste buds went W I L D! I couldn't believe the joy that my mouth had found. I was converted.

But this also turned me into a cheesy mac snob. The blue box, you say?! Oh no!! Couldn't be. Must be shredded, creamed to perfection cheese poured into pasta that had never been next to a packet of powdered cheese. It wasn't until college that I had to stoop to the level of eating such tasteless tasty treats. But then a marvelous roommate taught me a trick -- add shredded cheese to the powdered concoction and you can have your ooey, gooey scrumdidillyumtiousness (yes, my friends, it is a word) -- please DO NOT forget the salt and pepper. :)

Then... I had a marvelous roommate who would cook up the cheesiest mac and cheese with me at least once a week - with pigs and a blanket and green beans, of course! And my dear brother-in-law went on a quest a year ago for the perfect mac and cheese. Amazing the things you'll find. And then I worked with a lot of people who understand the necessity for mac and cheese at EVERY meal -- MY kind of people. Now, you've seen how this has evolved... But, I must report a new development in the cheesiest story... maybe EVER...

Last week I officially ate mac and cheese for FOUR dinners in a row - and only TWO of them consisted of warm mac and cheese, but 3 included the wienies!! I love mac and cheese and wienies!! Yummy in my tummy! The final go round had little crunchies on top -- love the crunchies too.

Moral of the story: I love the pasta with the cheese. Love it! Blue box or no blue box. Hot or cold. As long as it is pasta with cheese, with not too many onions, I love it. Ode to the mac and cheese. Now I need to write a poem -- or just get some sleep; it's a toss-up!

(If you enjoyed this story, you can thank Bekah who inspired this!!)

Freedom Isn't Free

2008-09-15T10:37:00.000-05:00

No words required, just watch:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TG4fe9GlWS8

Looking Back

2008-09-11T15:11:00.002-05:00

On all the news stations they were asking if you can remember where you were 7 years ago today. Do you know?! I certainly do. Not only could I never forget where, but I can never forget with whom. The person I see each time I think of this day is no longer on this earth, so it makes it especially poignant.

I was driving into work this morning and when I drive into my office in DC I pass by the Pentagon. I could not help but get chocked up and weepy when I saw the flags at half mast. I just couldn't stop the tears from flowing as I continued into work.

All day I have been watching/listening to reports on all the different memorial services. It reminds me of what I did on this day 7 years ago. I was weepy, sobby and I couldn't listen to or watch enough of what was going on. I just didn't know what else I could do; I guess I still don't.

I just hope that in some way that the way I live my life honors those who lost theirs.

"Take my life and let me be
A living prayer, my God to Thee"

There is a reason for everything

2008-09-09T21:45:00.001-05:00

Just wanted to throw that out there.

I firmly believe it. I do.

That's What Love Is

2008-09-08T10:52:00.002-05:00

To add to my late-night post, I wanted to put my FAVORITE song on here. The lyrics are amazing and it is sung by my favorite singer - David Phelps. Check him out, he's unbelievably talented.

It's the only thing worth life and death.
It's the first moment and the final breath.
It's a broken heart keeping a solemn vow
And a lost soul being found.
You pray for faith when it's hard to believe.
You choose to stay when it's easy to leave
And when hope is gone you're the one who keeps holding on.

That's what love is
When you give until there's nothing left
And it makes you give your very best.
That's what love is.
It can make you laugh and make you cry.
It can let you down and lift you up so high.
When you find the only reason left to live
That's what love is.

It's the dream you give up for someone else.
It's being strong when you're weak yourself.
Though it tears you up you trust again.
Hatred loses and forgiveness wins.
You turn your cheek when you want to fight.
Sell all you have and lay down your life
And when hope is gone you're the one who keeps holding on.

It's reaching out and holding on so someone else will know.
Love is in the not letting go.

The Power of Anne Frank (a.k.a. The Power of Love)

2008-09-07T23:24:00.003-05:00

Alright, so Anne Frank got me thinking...

Let me back up: This weekend I watch the newest version (go Disney!) of the Diary of Anne Frank. I had two thoughts while watching it:

I always forget how sad this story is... she is just one of MILLIONS of Jews who lost their lives; her family is just one of thousands that was destroyed and torn apart... This was a BIG deal -- it still is a big deal!
Children to should how to speak to adults. (This one I may address later.)

But then, as my mind works, on my drive home from a visit with the kiddos, I thought about the amazing power of love. Think on this: stories upon stories unfold every day on how love can sustain lives. I honestly and truly think it is a divine gift; the ability to love and the ability to be loved. I started to get weepy as I sat in my car alone, just thinking about all those that I have loved in my lifetime. I cannot count the number of people who, at different times in my life, I have been unable to live without. One whom I thought I could never live without is my grandpa, or Pa, as I called him. When I found out he was most likely going to die of cancer my heart fell out of its place. When he finally was released from his pains and his burdens, I was numb. BUT, as time would have it, my heart is filled by his presence, by his memory and by my longing to be with him again someday -- I have no doubt it will be.

Now, as I was all weepy, I got to thinking about the ones I couldn't live without in this very moment:

Mom & Dad; Charlotte & Ryan; Valorie, DJ & Ammon; Amber, Mikey, Samantha, Houston & Caleb; Boi, Elizabeth & Cooper; LoLo; Lani; Amy; BooBoo; Roonnate.

These are my life and deaths. *These are those who would make my heart fall if I found out something was going to happen or something had happened -- I feel as though I would be pretty near death, as Anne when she felt she had lost everyone she loved. But I find a lot of... ah, what's the word??... I find myself recognizing that I could make it, because unless the Bubonic Plague comes or everyone decides to come visit me all at the same time and jump on a plane destined for the mountain sides (doom, big boom!), chances are I'd find someone who could help me make it through; help me find the strength to move on and live - live until I was able to be with them again.

LESSON LEARNED: Please schedule a visit so you're not all on the same plane. Thank you!

*Don't feel left out if you're not on the list. I'm sorry, these are just the names that flashed through my brain at the time. There are MANY, MANY friends whom I would certainly weep over if I lost them -- you are one of them, I am sure!!

XOXO

It's Official

2008-09-06T23:47:00.004-05:00

I guess I am now a real blogger. Do bloggers sit around and worry about their blog?! Maybe blogging is a bad idea for someone with OCD like I have... I feel compelled to write. I feel like I must always have something to say (which, quite frankly, I always do). :)

I've been with my sister, brother-in-law and niece and two nephews since yesterday evening. I love this place. It's like a home away from home... well, sort of. It's like having a roommate times 5. I'm doing laundry, washing dishes, cleaning up after I just finished cleaning up... It's non-stop. But I must say, this is a lot more... fulfilling... then cleaning up and taking care of roommates. Dear, dear roommates.

Doesn't matter how much I love and appreciate them (which, by the way, I totally do!), I always love and appreciate my own space a little more. Speaking of space, so you have GOT to see my new room. I proudly call it CJ's Love Suite; that's because it's totally sweet. (I should post some pictures...) It's huge! And it's mine. My own. I have a ginormous closet, an over-sized bathroom (with two sinks - one for washing my face and hands, the other for brushing my teeth -- you see the OCD?!) AND a love seat. Glorious. And there's room to spare; plenty of room for yoga - I tried that one out the first night!!

So, maybe you can tell that I am a little happy about it. I plan to have a little "pool" party in my room soon - yes! there is a jacuzzi tub!! Come on over for your own private tour, chill with me and watch a flik, take a nice bath, or just lounge in my oh-so-spacious closet. Heaven - or pretty close to it. If it were actually heaven, there would be...

Oh, we'll save that for another time... When I can be sure who's reading this. :) Okay, back to the laundry (kidding, I've already done all that)... I love this place!! (No, seriously, I do! I've got pictures to prove it... Well, at least I would if my camera hadn't died...)

Top this!

2008-09-04T23:13:00.003-05:00

So... I may or may not have schooled all the boys that I work with... tee hee. It was grand! My boss has this motto "work hard, play hard." Everyone works hard, so we plan a "play hard" activity once a month or so. This month I planned an outing to Dave & Buster's. Oh! Eat your heart out!! We broke up into four teams of three and had ourselves a nice little competition. Oh, if LoLo, MarMar and Jake could only see me now... I kicked MAJOR trash shooting hoops, and of course, on skee ball. There was just no competition. I may or may not have scored a 32 on the hoops, with the closest behind that being 22... Oh, I love it when a plan comes together. The guys were all giving me such crap about how they were bringing their "A" game and I better be on top of mine. Geez. I love healthy competition -- especially when I win!! :)

Then to top it off, I not only got free food afterwards, but then I got to go play soccer with my team in Chantilly and bball with the girls in Springfield.

Oh this tough life I lead. Don't hate.

Don't make me regret it

2008-09-04T09:18:00.003-05:00

I hope they chose wisely:

www.twilightthemovie.com

I just don't want to be disappointed. I loved the books and I fear I will hate the movie. I don't like her... I'm not a fan of him... Could they have chosen better? Can't we just make the one with Jacob in it already?! Tee hee. Jacob... MOST importantly, is this going to feel like it did when I read the books??

What a nerd. Who cares? Just watch the movie CJ! Boo.

OH wait, and while we're on that topic... was anyone else a little disappointed by Breaking Dawn?! Geez, it took me long enough to read it, I was hoping for... oh I guess I won't say it, just in case you haven't read it. I AM NOT A SPOILER... Renesmee.

The pain, the pain...

2008-09-03T21:57:00.002-05:00

So I've discovered something new about pain: It's real.

How have I discovered this?? You'd think my lifetime of injury after really cool injury would have taught me about pain -- scrubbing a burn with a metal brush, for instance; rubbing really hard on a really disgusting (but really cool) bruise; cleaning fun stuff out of a road burn; migraine after stinkin' migraine... Enough examples?! (Yeah, well you didn't have to deal with them!)

I've discovered a new pain. It's a brain pain. That's the only way I can describe it. It's having a trillion thoughts come into my head and about say, 2 come out. Pain. Agonizing pain. Am I too young for this?! Am I too young to be losing my mind, my thoughts, my... ah, whatever it is?! I can't even remember if I'm supposed to remember remembering...

Now there's a thought for you. Not that I have made any sense at all. See, the brain pain. Give me a break, it's 11:00 and I am beyond tired.

(Thanks Love Face for letting me stay the night. You're the best.) XOXO

If you really must know

2008-09-02T22:54:00.001-05:00

Alright, alright. Everyone wants to know why I decided to blog. Must I really have a reason?! What if it's just something I felt like doing?? Believe me, I am pretty arbitrary like that; I don't need a reason to do anything. So truth be told, I just felt like it. Period.

So here I am... blogging... The real question is: Why are you reading this??

I have a couple solutions:

1. You are way beyond bored.

2. You figure that if you read this you will never actually have to hear my voice again -- and that's a very good thing.

3. You just can't stand what ever distance is between us and feel that this will help us to find that "lovin' feeling, woah, that lovin' feelin..."

4. You just can't get enough of my endless stories and all the ridiculous situations I continually find myself in.

Simply put, whichever it is, I hope this solves your problem. It just may solve mine... Oh wait, that's an entirely different blog for an entirely different lifetime (because it would take about a lifetime to describe and another lifetime - or two - to figure out). As it is, I should have been in bed approximately 54 minutes ago. So much for New Years Resolutions that I make on the 1st of September. I'm a mess, I tell you.

I really could go on...

(Oh, and i just can't get enough of... so if you have a problem with... you might not want to return to this blog... or maybe...)

... ... ... ...

Here I am

2008-09-02T11:14:00.001-05:00

Everyone else is blogging, so why can't I?!

I guess I should actually come up with something to say...

You'd think that someone who never shuts up or always has a story to tell would have something to write on a blog.

I'll work on that and get back to you. I'll try to be witty and charming and as un-boring as possible.