Sometimes you just have to smile

(I am quite aware that my last post was a total downer, so I really wanted to share my smiles. First of all, thanks to everyone for your kind comments and awesome encouragement. We made it though Spring Break and, I think I can speak for Sarah Lynn as well, we actually had a really good time. I just might make it through this whole mom thing.)

I've been so very, very happy lately, so I just thought I'd share just a few of the things that really make me smile. (In no particular order)

1. One super spunky six-year-old who loves, loves, loves her new PINK cowgirl boots from her grandma. Who wears them with everything - including bright-striped tights and cutie little dresses. And having same six-year-old keep losing her teeth. I keep telling her she won't have any left. It's so funny to look at her cute, little gapped smile. She is probably my source of my biggest smiles and giggles. She, quite simply, keeps me rolling almost non-stop.
Her newest tricks? She's learning to blow bubbles with her gum and she has a pretty killer english accent. We have to play Harry Potter, sing the "Puppet Show" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tx1XIm6q4r4) and then pick and speak like all our characters. We have a grand time ol' chaps! It's so hilarious!!
2. Arrested Development. Watch it for 5 minutes and see if you don't just laugh until your face hurts.
3. Getting emails, blog comments, random phone calls or text messages or "friend requests" on Facebook from seemingly long-lost friends.
4. Having the warm sun spill across my face.
5. Knowing that no matter how crazy I may act, no matter how whacked I may seem, I have a husband who has dealt with people who are one thousand times more cooky than myself and he will always love, adore and take care of me.
6. Previews for 17again -- May I just say I love Zac Efron and I cannot wait to see this movie.
7. Realizing that all the laundry is washed, dried and put away. This REALLY makes me smile. tee hee
8. Looking at the picture on my phone -- it is currently a photo of my nephew, Caleb, with his tongue hanging out -- it's the funniest and cutest thing.
9. Just knowing that I am going to hear David Phelps again this weekend. Really, if you STILL have not heard him, you better!! (http://www.davidphelps.com)
10. Getting pumped for an awesome week of fun in AZ. Getting to see my family. Getting to see my friends. Having a BIG OL' Party with everyone I love.
11. And please don't forget, my favorite joke right now (it never seems to get old):
Q: "What does Snoop Dog use to get his whites their brightest?"
A: "Bleeee ach!"
**I'm giggling just writing this. hahahahhaha
My favorite part is when this really gets Christian and I talking "gangsta." It's the shizzle my dizzles. Oh, I am such a dork. But it's my bizaz. bah! ;)

100% inadequate, 100% of the time

Is this how motherhood feels? Honestly?
I was terrible at being single. I was terrible at trying to date. Now, somehow (heaven only knows), I snagged myself the most amazing man on the planet and I am terrible at being a wife. I am terrible at being a mother.
At least this is how I feel at 3:30 in the morning... and a six thirty in the morning, when I haven't slept at all during the night... and again at ten o'clock at night, when I am laying in bed wondering why I'm not sleeping...
Christian reassures me, probably 1000 times a day (poor guy, what has he gotten himself into?!), that I am doing great, that I am handling this drastic life-change so well; but that just doesn't satisfy this lingering feeling of inadequacy. It's not that I feel like I am failing, but I just have no idea who thought I could actually do this!!
Case in point:
I AM TERRIFIED OF THE COMING WEEK. Spring Break.
This is no nanny gig. When six o'clock rolls around and I have spent an entire day having a blast with a vibrant, spunky and energetic six-year old who has worn me completely into the ground, there is no handing her off to mom and dad and climbing into bed so I can have enough energy to fly kites, run around the lake, play tag and walk around museums the next day. I am mom. I am mom. I am mom.
I feel like this week is going to be my ultimate "mommy" test. If I mess up this week... I don't know what "messing up" would entail, but... I am terrified of whatever that may be!!
My friends, pray for me. Pray for unsuspecting Sarah Lynn. Pray for Christian, my oh-so supportive husband.
AND come play, if you can. We'd love for you to come by!

Some things just don't change

So... apparently if you can't sleep BEFORE you get married, most likely, you still won't be able to sleep AFTER you get married. (I'm sorry if I am stealing all the hope from you insomniac singles like I once was.) Now I'm just an insomniac wife and mother who wonders how she functions throughout the day and why she just can't sleep at night!!
(yes, notice the time of the posting... 3:30 AM. this sucks!)

Three weeks and two days

(that's how long we've been married)
I can't believe it! It feels, already, like we've been together for forever. Isn't that just sappy and disgusting?! I'm happy-go-pukey just thinking a out it!! :) tee hee

I can honestly say that I wake up in the morning sometimes and am amazed that Christian is actually laying in the bed next to me -- that this dream-like life is real -- that everything I could ever have hoped for, and more, is REAL.

Ok, so life had certainly changed for me. I no longer run every which way for a job, I run every which way for groceries and laundry and dishes and dinners. I make beds. I vacuum the floors. I clean bathrooms. I chase a six-year-old around and around. I am having a blast!! It certainly doesn't keep me on the go-go like my life used to, so that is something I'm learning to deal with. I feel like I have so much time that I have no time at all (doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but it doesn't really have to). Some days I'm so good that I get all that done AND I take the time to work-out, read a book, write an email or two, call a friend, etc. Other days, I sit on my bottom, watch a movie (or two -- sue me!!), think of all the things I COULD/SHOULD be doing and laze around in my pj's saying "Get up CJ! Go work out! Go take a shower! You totally suck."

BUT there is hope on the horizon!! I got my clearance to be a substitute in PG County Public Schools (for this year) and had a killer interview with Montgomery County Public Schools for a full-time teaching job (for next year). I figure business may be a bit slow before Spring Break (which, by the way, is next week if you wanted to come visit and play with Sarah Lynn and me!!), but then teachers will get a taste of being at home and I'll get chances to be in the classroom. I'm excited!! Man, how I love being in the classroom! I really hadn't missed it much (so I thought) until I started getting things together for interviews and such. Now I can hardly wait.

Ok, enough of that... I've got laundry to do and HSM3 to watch... giggle.

We did it!!

We got hitched. I'll write more later, just wanted to share this little collage our fabulous photographer and friend, Erin Tolman, put together for us.

This was, hand down, the best day of my life. We had such a great time. Everyone who really wanted to be with us (and could) was with us - safe and happy.

I am so happy to be a wife and a mother. What a happy, happy life!!
Thanks to everyone for joining with us!!
Love, love, love.



"meow"

Long time comin'

It's been a while, yes. It's amazing the things I can find myself doing instead of writing or reading blogs. What are these things, you may ask?? Oh, I really don't know. Time is going by WAY fast and
THAT
IS
GOOD.
I don't think March 7th can get here fast enough. I am always whining about time going too fast, but here I am at 3:30 in the morning just wishing it were at least 6 (this is unthinkable!! i hate 6 a.m.!!). I can't sleep, so I figure I may as well be busy doing something...

A lot has changed (or not changed, I really don't know) since my last posting. I don't even know when that was...
I am still so incredibly in love with Christian that I can't even remember what is was like not loving him. It grows more every day and I am amazed that it's possible. I am so 100% ready to be a wife, a mother and an equal partner in, what I plan to be, the most fabulous life EVER!! Christian and I have decided that we are going to have a lot of fun together. He cracks me up with his dry humor and quick whit. I think I just make him laugh because I'm completely hopeless. How have I made it 27 years without him?? Who can tell?!?
I stay up in Laurel most nights - Sarah Lynn and I are roommies. She likes to wake up at unthinkable hours and tell me what time it is. I like to roll over and try to forget about it. tee hee. I love it when she climbs in my bed and lets me cuddle with her. She's such a delicious creature and I adore getting to spend time with her.
Grandma Linda and hang - we're like home-girls now. We go shopping, we work out together... She's great! We are so lucky to have her here -- she really takes care of us. I keep telling her we'll keep her around as kitchen staff - and she won't have to clean, just cook.
Man! That is the weirdest part, to me, about getting married. I have to like cook and stuff. I'm so used to coming home and grabbing a handful of crackers or M&M's and calling it good, throwing a plate of chips and cheese in the microwave, making a quick batch of mac 'n' cheese or heating up a steamers bag of veggies. In 25 days I'll have to put food on the table that 1. is not only edible, but 2. that has a semblance of a meal. Weird.

Ok, so it's heading for 4 o'clock... tick, tick, tick... The real problem here is my mind. I am on super over-load. I have to go to bed with my ipod or I can't fall asleep. I have a to-do list running through my mind at all hours of the day. It doesn't really help to write it down because there is always something to add and then I run through the whole list again -- it also doesn't help when I have to write down "find old to do list." Haha. Pathetic.
Oh well. I think I'll turn on my "Wedding Day" play list and try to catch a little sleep... or maybe I'll do another sheet of addresses... or maybe... zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Kidding. I wish I could fall asleep like that. Nope, that's Christian - he's the typical male; talk about a pillow and he'll fall asleep.

That's Not His Religion, It's His Name

Well, and it's his religion...

So, Christian. I haven't written anything for a while because all I would have written about was Christian. AND, considering I knew from the moment I saw him on our first date, that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, I figured I would try to freak him out as little as possible and NOT write about him. BUT, now that he is mine (yes, I am taking ownership), I will write all I want about him.

Christian. What do I even say? Well, he is, simply put (and so cliche' that I almost hate it), my completion. I think I had a feeling he was going to come into my life -- I mean, check out the blogging before this... afraid of marriage?! Whatever. It is all I want now. My life has finally begun and I can hardly wait to really get this show on the road! I am happier now than I have ever been in my life. I can no longer imagine my life without him. I think things and he is saying them. I finish sending him a message and he has just sent the same one to me. I feel like we've had discussions about things that have never been brought up because we have the same ideas or feelings about them already. It's the most incredible feeling to be able to say or do anything and never feel judged. I have never felt so comfortable in my skin; I've never wanted to be me more than I do now.

"But wait, there's more!" I know,I know, you're thinking: CJ, how can there be more?? How can it get any better?!?

BUT Christian has the sweetest, the spunkiest, the silliest daughter, Sarah. AND I get to be her new mommy. She already calls me mommy and it melts my heart to think that I get to keep her. I don't have to send her home at the end of the day. I get to say good night and then good morning to her every day until... until forever. We, Christian and I, get to be with her on her happiest days, her goofiest and giggliest days. We get to be there for her on her hardest days, when her knees get scraped or she gets a "meh" face at school. We get to be together, the three of us. Always.

Now, you just tell me life gets better than this! Tell me that all I could have imagined, to the power of 100, could get any better than this!! I am so incredibly in love. I never knew love felt like this. Had I known, I still wouldn't have rushed it. This was worth the wait. Christian, and Sarah, were (are) so worth my wait. I always thought I would just die if I made it to 27 without being married. And here I am. I have died. I have died and gone to my slice of heaven.

"Thanks for the Lemonade."