Thursday, December 4, 2008
Just one of those LIFES...
That's a ridiculous title, but I'm having so much more than one of "those days" or "those weeks" or "those years." I am just having one of "those lifes." Lives... life... s... Bah!
I have had a wonderful life, to be sure. I often think about my amazing blessings. A lot of my blessings stem from great hardships. Let's just start with the biggest shaping of my current existence -- moving to Heber (a.k.a. Nowhere), AZ the summer before my sophomore year in high school. Quite frankly, up until a couple years ago, I only looked on this place as a cursing to my life. My family visited Heber a few times before moving there. We thought it was a cute place where people waved to you as you walked down the street. How quaint. Right?!
But having to live there was a whole different ball game. It was cool for the first few months -- when I was "fresh blood" and new. But things swiftly went down-hill. Friends weren't really friends. I started being the brunt of horrible and rude and tasteless jokes and various abuses. I didn't like where I was or who I was. It took me some time to realize that I couldn't allow other people to dictate how I felt about myself.
**Now, this is not a sob story... promise.. I'm just thinking out-loud, really. Mostly, this is for me. My personal therapy or something. Will save me thousands in pills and Dr. bills...** tee hee
My junior year was quite lonely as I had to evolve into someone new. I eventually found friends I thought appreciated me a little more. I can still remember asking a friend "What bothers you about me?" And she told me that I was too loud all the time. And you know what? I realized I was too loud ALL THE TIME. I still am. But I didn't need a friend who thought that. I know I'm too loud. From that time forward I never felt like I could be myself around her, I was always afraid I would be too loud. You know what I told her when she turned the question? I said "I just wish you could see yourself the way God sees you and the way I see you. You are beautiful." Haha. Oh well.
Ok. This is already longer than I intended... To make it shorter... In the loss of friends, I found my family. We went through A LOT of hard times in Heber. I learned to lean on my parents and siblings. I learned to love them and I learned to love me. If for no other reason, I thank Heber (and Heaven) for that. And not to mention... I have a few great friends from Heber (sure we hardly ever see each other or talk) that I hope to have for all my life. I think they know who they are. They are Heber's "golden jewels" whether they still live there or don't. I thank my Father in Heaven for opportunities to see the good from the bad.
NOW TO THE REAL POINT OF THIS POST:
My life is a cycle... a roller-coaster... But my roller-coaster is stuck on a REALLY BIG, STEEP HILL... I can hear the CLICK... CLICK... CLICK... and feel the CLUNK... CLUNK... CLUNK...
I really have nothing else to say about that right now. Just expressing my feelings...
Sorry for the long post.